When you break a leg it is actually not your leg that is broken. It´s Chuck Norris´s leg. He owns everything including you and your pityful leg.
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her crabs ride dune buggies.
Q: Why was the lesbian sick? A: She was lacking vitamin D.
Doctor: "What seems to be your trouble?" Patient: "When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour." Doctor: "Try getting up one hour later."
Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?" Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine." Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this." Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."
What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache? A bad mood.
Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues? Because he had a stinking cold.
Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face. Nobody would survive anyway.
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
Chuck Norris doesn't need health care, everyone in his viewing range does.