The best health jokes

Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?" Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine." Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this." Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, drug, health, memory, old people
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off.
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, business, health
Q: What's brown and very bad for your dental health? A: A baseball bat.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dentist, health, sport
Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant? A: She sneezes.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, communication, health, stupid
I recently went to my new doctor. After two visits and exhaustive tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. I was a bit worried what he meant by that, so I asked him, "Do you think I'll live to be eighty, Doc?" He looked at me and asked me, "Do you smoke or drink beer or wine?" I said, "No, nothing like that. And I don't do drugs either." He looked at me again and asked me, "Okay, do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my old doctor told me that all red meat is very unhealthy." He looked at me again and asked me, "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" I replied, "No, nothing like that." He looked at me again and asked me, "And do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" I said, "No, nothing like that, Doc." He looked at me again and said, "Then why do you even care?"
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, alcohol, doctor, health, wine
People say that time heals all wounds. They obviously never got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris
Vote: has 63.22 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, communication, health, time
When you break a leg it is actually not your leg that is broken. It´s Chuck Norris´s leg. He owns everything including you and your pityful leg.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
On Sunday little Johnny with his dad went for bathing. The ground was slippery. So poor boy for avoiding of knocking down grabbed his father's penis. His father smiled and told him: "Oh boy you are lucky. If you were with your mother you were concussion!"
Vote: has 62.85 % from 75 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, dirty, health, little Johnny, women
Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out. Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences. Then hang up.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, doctor, health, phone
I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea. They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, food, health, hospital


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