The best health jokes

A Marine was going in for his physical. He had celebrated his 45th birthday that weekend. After taking all the tests, the blood other fluids. He was now waiting for the DR. in an office on the table in a paper outfit. The DR came in. After looking over all the notes, the Marine was asked if he had an active sex life. Straight-faced, the Marine answered. "Yes, Sir.' Asked how often, the Marine thought, "I cannot honestly answer that question, Sir." Turning to look at the Marine he was asked, "Why not?" Smiling the Marine stated. "One of the samples that were needed, I asked for some assistance. A nice Lady came in to help me. Would that count?" The DR. signed the paperwork. Walked out of the office saying, "Get dressed. You're fine."
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has 60.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: age, doctor, health, navy, sex
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
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has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health, ugly
A woman comes up to me and says, "Hey sexy you lost 185 lbs and now you have money." "You wanna be my sugar daddy?" "Nope I'm diabetic!"
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has 59.89 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: flirt, health, money, stupid
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her crabs ride dune buggies.
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has 58.98 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: health, insulting, Yo mama
Q: What do you give a sick bird? A: Tweetment!
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has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: bird, health, internet
The newest therapy for healing the states of depression is so-called decapitation. It costs only 100 dollars but 50 dollars pays the health insurance company. The operation will be made only once and you will never feel depressive. I had also luck and I also gave an order to this kind of therapy. I wish well to myself.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: health, money
Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
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has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, health
On Sunday little Johnny with his dad went for bathing. The ground was slippery. So poor boy for avoiding of knocking down grabbed his father's penis. His father smiled and told him: "Oh boy you are lucky. If you were with your mother you were concussion!"
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has 57.66 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, health, little Johnny, women
A child walks into a whore house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him. He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have. She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.” The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.” She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.” The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have. A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments. As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way. Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind. As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him. “Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for? Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain. “I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Bitch who ran over my pet frog.”
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has 57.55 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, health, kids
„And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?" asks mother. „Come on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"
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has 57.01 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: health, little Johnny, school
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