Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
A woman comes up to me and says, "Hey sexy you lost 185 lbs and now you have money." "You wanna be my sugar daddy?" "Nope I'm diabetic!"
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her crabs ride dune buggies.
Q: What do you give a sick bird? A: Tweetment!
The newest therapy for healing the states of depression is so-called decapitation. It costs only 100 dollars but 50 dollars pays the health insurance company. The operation will be made only once and you will never feel depressive. I had also luck and I also gave an order to this kind of therapy. I wish well to myself.
Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
On Sunday little Johnny with his dad went for bathing. The ground was slippery. So poor boy for avoiding of knocking down grabbed his father's penis. His father smiled and told him: "Oh boy you are lucky. If you were with your mother you were concussion!"
How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic? He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.
„And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?" asks mother. „Come on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"
The retired man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts." The doctor replies, "OK. Touch your elbow." The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. The doctor, surprised, then states, "Touch your head." The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Everywhere the guy touches he hurts like hell. The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc. and tells the guy to come back in two days. Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor declares, "We've found your problem." "Oh yeah? What is it?" asks the retiree. The Doctor remarks, "You've broken your finger!"