Chuck Noris once got his blood tested. His blood type was AK-47.
Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant? A: She sneezes.
When you break a leg it is actually not your leg that is broken. It´s Chuck Norris´s leg. He owns everything including you and your pityful leg.
Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out. Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences. Then hang up.
I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea. They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
My Prediction for the Mayweather Mcgregor fight. It becomes a Handicap Match against Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris ends it with a single roundhouse kick before the bell stops ringing.
A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital: Tell me what is your last wish? Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel? A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.
A cowboy and a retard are sitting at home bored. The cowboy says," let's go down to the bowling alley and beat up niggers." The retard says ," OK ". When they arrive , the cowboy sees five black dudes bowling. He goes over and starts beating their asses. He stops and looks to see the retard smashing bowling balls with a sledgehammer. He goes over and says, " hey... I thought we was gonna beat up niggers?" The retard responds, " yeah...you get the live ones, I'll kill the eggs ."