The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”. “Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor”.
I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn't cure it but it keeps the bed sheets off my legs at night.
Chuck Norris once gave a man the Hiemlich Manuever. That man still holds the record for most bones broken.
People say that time heals all wounds. They obviously never got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic? He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.
Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers." Old man: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"
Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?" Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it." Doctor: "Why?" Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
The newest therapy for healing the states of depression is so-called decapitation. It costs only 100 dollars but 50 dollars pays the health insurance company. The operation will be made only once and you will never feel depressive. I had also luck and I also gave an order to this kind of therapy. I wish well to myself.
The nose drops „Big smeller" – let´s have a blow-out.