The best health jokes

Chuck Noris once got his blood tested. His blood type was AK-47.
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, health
A cowboy and a retard are sitting at home bored. The cowboy says," let's go down to the bowling alley and beat up niggers." The retard says ," OK ". When they arrive , the cowboy sees five black dudes bowling. He goes over and starts beating their asses. He stops and looks to see the retard smashing bowling balls with a sledgehammer. He goes over and says, " hey... I thought we was gonna beat up niggers?" The retard responds, " yeah...you get the live ones, I'll kill the eggs ."
Vote: has 63.89 % from 124 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, cowboy, death, health, racist
Q: What's brown and very bad for your dental health? A: A baseball bat.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dentist, health, sport
Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant? A: She sneezes.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, communication, health, stupid
I recently went to my new doctor. After two visits and exhaustive tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. I was a bit worried what he meant by that, so I asked him, "Do you think I'll live to be eighty, Doc?" He looked at me and asked me, "Do you smoke or drink beer or wine?" I said, "No, nothing like that. And I don't do drugs either." He looked at me again and asked me, "Okay, do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my old doctor told me that all red meat is very unhealthy." He looked at me again and asked me, "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" I replied, "No, nothing like that." He looked at me again and asked me, "And do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" I said, "No, nothing like that, Doc." He looked at me again and said, "Then why do you even care?"
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, alcohol, doctor, health, wine
On Sunday little Johnny with his dad went for bathing. The ground was slippery. So poor boy for avoiding of knocking down grabbed his father's penis. His father smiled and told him: "Oh boy you are lucky. If you were with your mother you were concussion!"
Vote: has 63.30 % from 76 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, dirty, health, little Johnny, women
When you break a leg it is actually not your leg that is broken. It´s Chuck Norris´s leg. He owns everything including you and your pityful leg.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out. Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences. Then hang up.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, doctor, health, phone
I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea. They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, food, health, hospital
A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital: Tell me what is your last wish? Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.
Vote: has 62.35 % from 274 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Facebook, health, hospital, wife


<<<12131415
More jokes →
Page 12 of 20.