A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia.
The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him,
"Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you."
"I know," said the man, "but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital.
After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead.
The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it.
"Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."
Ten years without brushing causes horrible tooth decade.
A father tells his son to stop jacking off.
"You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says.
The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
Vote:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.
If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
Vote:
What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhea.
fi yuo cna raed tihs whit no porlbem, yuo aer smrat. Shaer ti whit yuor fienrds.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Professor X is on a wheelchair.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so stanky, she gets sourdough yeast infections.