The best health jokes

One day, a Sodomite went to his doctor's office to get an HIV blood test. While there, his blood got drawn and he then left. Two weeks later, he was back at his doctor's office in an examination room, waiting for the result of the HIV test. Suddenly, his doctor walks into the examination room and says to the gay guy, "I'm awfully sorry to tell you that the test shows that you're definitely HIV positive." The gay guy then asks the doctor, "So, what needs to be done now, doctor?" The doctor says to the gay dude, "I want you to go home, sit down at your kitchen table and eat 20 hamburgers, 20 hot dogs, 20 pizzas, 20 bags of chips, and 20 gallons of ice cream." The gay then asks his doctor, "How's doing all that gonna help me out with my HIV, doctor?" The doctor then replied, "It's not gonna help you out with your HIV at all but it will definitely teach you what your asshole is really for."
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has 47.89 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, gay, health, sex
Teacher: "If you bought 8 hotdogs,9 cheese burgers and 7 fillet o fishes and you ate 8 hotdogs 9 cheese burger and 7 fillet o fish what do you have at the end?" Little Johnny: "A bad blatter issue."
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has 47.79 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: fish, food, health, little Johnny, math
Your moma is so ugly...she could make medicine sick!
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has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: health, ugly, Yo mama
Q: Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs? A: An invalid.
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has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it. "Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.
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has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: age, blonde, death, health, hospital
Three old men were sitting on a porch. "I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one. "I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another. "I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."
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has 46.70 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, health, time
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
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has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: dentist, food, health
Q: Why are crippled people always picked on? A: Because they can't stand up for themselves.
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has 46.37 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: black people, health, vulgar
The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day. So I said, "gooooo ... annddd ... makkee ... meeee ... a ... cuuuppp ... offffff ... coofffeeeeeee ..."
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has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: health, marriage, wife
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
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has 46.11 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, health, science, sex
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