The best health jokes

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you." "I know," said the man, "but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
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has 51.93 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, marriage, wife
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it. "Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: age, blonde, death, health, hospital
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
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has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, life, time
Ten years without brushing causes horrible tooth decade.
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has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: dentist, health, time
A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
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has 51.56 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, health, masturbation
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: health, old people
What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs? An elephant with diarrhea.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, elephant, health
fi yuo cna raed tihs whit no porlbem, yuo aer smrat. Shaer ti whit yuor fienrds.
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has 50.62 % from 332 votes. More jokes about: health
Chuck Norris is the reason why Professor X is on a wheelchair.
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has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, health
Yo' Mama is so stanky, she gets sourdough yeast infections.
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has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: health, insulting, Yo mama
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