My Prediction for the Mayweather Mcgregor fight.
It becomes a Handicap Match against Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris ends it with a single roundhouse kick before the bell stops ringing.
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Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.
“What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?”
“Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
Your moma is so ugly...she could make medicine sick!
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital.
After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead.
The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it.
"Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.
Three old men were sitting on a porch.
"I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one.
"I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another.
"I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."
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Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused a Novocain injection during root canal treatment?
A: He wanted to transcend dental medication!
Chuck Norris never suffers from a heart attack.
His heart is too smart to not attack him.
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Chuck Norris once gave a man the Hiemlich Manuever.
That man still holds the record for most bones broken.
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My dental hygienist is cute.
Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.
If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
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