The best health jokes

AIDS Can't Kill Chuck Norris.
has 40.09 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
My Prediction for the Mayweather Mcgregor fight. It becomes a Handicap Match against Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris ends it with a single roundhouse kick before the bell stops ringing.
has 39.64 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
has 37.02 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, Halloween, health, kids
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams inagony. She pushes her knee and screams,pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I'm really a blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken
has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: blonde, doctor, health
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: health, IT, medical, money, time
Chuck Norris made sick the healthy chocolate.
has 34.61 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, Chuck Norris, health
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
has 34.28 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Christmas, health
Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face. Nobody would survive anyway.
has 34.13 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, health, political
People say that time heals all wounds. They obviously never got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris
has 33.70 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, communication, health, time
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other: "So what do you think of mad cow disease?" The other replies: "I don't know, I'm a chicken!"
has 33.50 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, health
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