The best health jokes

The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day. So I said, "gooooo ... annddd ... makkee ... meeee ... a ... cuuuppp ... offffff ... coofffeeeeeee ..."
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has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: health, marriage, wife
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!
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has 39.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, disgusting, health
Q. Why is it okay for dumb blonde's to catch cold? A. They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: blonde, health
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other: "So what do you think of mad cow disease?" The other replies: "I don't know, I'm a chicken!"
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has 39.32 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, health
What do gays call hemorrhoids ? Speed bumps.
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has 38.97 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, health
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a fat kid in the stomach and his foot print stayed their until the kid lost the weight.
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has 38.49 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fat, health, kids
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
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has 36.62 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Christmas, health
What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese
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has 34.35 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, health
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: health, IT, medical, money, time
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams inagony. She pushes her knee and screams,pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I'm really a blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken
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has 31.03 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: blonde, doctor, health
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