The best health jokes

The town’s local council remarks that the best lawyer in town never made a donation to charity tendency. To convince him, the mayor calls him in his office: Sir, I remarked that you’re revenue reached a number of $600.000. With all these, you never made a donation to the charity... If you looked into my files, did you also remark that my mother is sick, and the medicaments she needs exceed her funds? No... answers mayor. In second place, my brother, war veteran, is condemned in a wheelchair and he’s blind. The mayor started apologizing, but was interrupted: And more, my sister died into a car accident and left tree children orphans. Stunned, the mayor says: I didn’t know, please accept my apologies... But the lawyer continues: I don’t see why I should give you any money, if I don’t ever give them money...
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: health, kids, lawyer, money
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a fat kid in the stomach and his foot print stayed their until the kid lost the weight.
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has 38.75 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fat, health, kids
What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese
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has 37.65 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, health
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
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has 34.92 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Christmas, health
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams inagony. She pushes her knee and screams,pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I'm really a blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken
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has 34.72 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: blonde, doctor, health
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
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has 32.79 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: health, IT, medical, money, time
What’s the sex? The sex in a disease. You always get in bed because of it.
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has 31.91 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: health, sex
What do you call a van with 5 faggots in it? The AIDS team.
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has 28.86 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health
So this retarded blind couple just lives in Guantanamo Bay. The prison warden told us soon these little fishies would grow gills. So we have been feeding our fishies since 911 they all been fed really well. In our daily water events until I told my wife, "there is a problem these fish haven't grown any gills." So we told the Warden and he laughed he said: "you know what you've been doing since 911 the blind couple relied on what!" The warden replied, "well you've been waterboarding convicted isis terrorists!" The blind couple said, "what happens to the fishes?" The warden replied, "well they are dead of course!"
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has 26.21 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: death, fish, health, prison, terrorist
Q: Why was the black baby crying? A: He had diarea and thought he was melting.
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has 24.77 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: baby, health, racist
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