A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris was once tested for steroids. The results came back positive. When confronted with this information, Chuck Norris chuckled and said, "Of course, what do you think they make steroids from?"
Chuck Norris once caught AIDS... but then he let it go.
Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real. It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.
Chuck Norris has 2 kids. We know them as Pain and Suffering.
If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."