A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."
Chuck Norris was once tested for steroids. The results came back positive. When confronted with this information, Chuck Norris chuckled and said, "Of course, what do you think they make steroids from?"
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real. It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris once caught AIDS... but then he let it go.
The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.
If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".
Chuck Norris has 2 kids. We know them as Pain and Suffering.
A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.
Cancer gets checked for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' pulse-rate is measured on the Richter Scale.