The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.
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My dental hygienist is cute.
Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
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Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes?
A: The guy who gave it to him.
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Teacher: "If you bought 8 hotdogs,9 cheese burgers and 7 fillet o fishes and you ate 8 hotdogs 9 cheese burger and 7 fillet o fish what do you have at the end?"
Little Johnny: "A bad blatter issue."
Q: Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs?
A: An invalid.
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A boy with a physical disability has just returned from a summer camp.
His mum with an astonished face notices a diploma dancing for 1st place at the bottom of the boy's luggage.
Mum: "Jimmy, did you dance with a girl?"
Boy: "Nouuu."
Mum: "Did you dance with a boy then?"
Boy: "No, mum."
Mum: "So how did you get it?"
Boy: "I went to take some tea."
A cowboy and a retard are sitting at home bored.
The cowboy says," let's go down to the bowling alley and beat up niggers."
The retard says ," OK ".
When they arrive , the cowboy sees five black dudes bowling.
He goes over and starts beating their asses.
He stops and looks to see the retard smashing bowling balls with a sledgehammer.
He goes over and says, " hey... I thought we was gonna beat up niggers?"
The retard responds, " yeah...you get the live ones, I'll kill the eggs ."
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"How are your hemorrhoids?"
"Swell."
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What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A salad shooter.
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