Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
Teacher: "If you bought 8 hotdogs,9 cheese burgers and 7 fillet o fishes and you ate 8 hotdogs 9 cheese burger and 7 fillet o fish what do you have at the end?" Little Johnny: "A bad blatter issue."
What happens when you kiss a canary? You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
Q: Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs? A: An invalid.
A boy with a physical disability has just returned from a summer camp. His mum with an astonished face notices a diploma dancing for 1st place at the bottom of the boy's luggage. Mum: "Jimmy, did you dance with a girl?" Boy: "Nouuu." Mum: "Did you dance with a boy then?" Boy: "No, mum." Mum: "So how did you get it?" Boy: "I went to take some tea."
The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.
What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese
"How are your hemorrhoids?" "Swell."
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.