The best health jokes

The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.
Vote: has 41.24 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, health
The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day. So I said, "gooooo ... annddd ... makkee ... meeee ... a ... cuuuppp ... offffff ... coofffeeeeeee ..."
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, marriage, wife
Q. Why is it okay for dumb blonde's to catch cold? A. They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, health
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, health
What do gays call hemorrhoids ? Speed bumps.
Vote: has 37.45 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, health
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other: "So what do you think of mad cow disease?" The other replies: "I don't know, I'm a chicken!"
Vote: has 36.09 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, health
Q: Why was the black baby crying? A: He had diarea and thought he was melting.
Vote: has 31.81 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, health, racist
What’s the sex? The sex in a disease. You always get in bed because of it.
Vote: has 30.62 % from 65 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, sex
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams inagony. She pushes her knee and screams,pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I'm really a blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken
Vote: has 29.93 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, doctor, health
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
Vote: has 29.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, IT, medical, money, time