The best husband jokes

There's a new pain reliever for wives that relieves the headache caused by a husband who never remembers your anniversary. It's called "Jackasspirin."
Vote: has 50.70 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: anniversary, husband, wife
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
Vote: has 50.40 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, wife
A wife sending a short message to her husband: It was just said on the news that they found a hideous corpse with a hollow head, a cigar among ugly rotten teeth and a bottle of liquor in his hand. I'm worried about you!. Please, give me a ring...
Vote: has 50.29 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, ugly, wife
The husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet the wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came back to his senses, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. ....I think you bring me bad luck!"
Vote: has 49.95 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, health, husband, marriage, wife
An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband. When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!" The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"
Vote: has 49.76 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, husband, women
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, money, wife
What do you call a cow who argues with her husband? A bullfighter.
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, husband
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two." Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."
Vote: has 48.79 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife, work
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes.
Vote: has 48.41 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want no vacaine because I’m in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You’re certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
Vote: has 48.13 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dentist, doctor, husband, women