Yo mamma so ugly that her birth certificate came with an apology letter from the condom factory.
Yo momma's so fat; she's on both sides of the family!
Yo mamma's so fat that she had to get baptized at seaworld.
Yo mama is so fat, the army used her pants for a parachute.
Yo mama so stupid she stuck her face into a book to make a Facebook.
Yo mamma is so fat, her husband has to stand up in bed each morning to see if it's daylight.
Have you ever seen the serial number on a condom?
No?
Oh sorry, you must not have to roll it down that far.
Yo mama is so hairy, Kingkong got jealous.
Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?"
Mom: "Because he never lies."
Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair."
A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a pet.
A shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot.
He asked what the strings were for and the shopkeeper replied, "Well, if you pull the right string the parrot says, 'Polly wanna cracker'. If you pull the left string it says, 'my name's Sam'".
The man being of the inquisitive nature tried both and thought it was really neat, but was still curious.
So he asked what would happen if he pulled both strings, the parrot piped up, "I'd fall off the perch you idiot!"