Yo mamma is so fat, her husband has to stand up in bed each morning to see if it's daylight.
Yo mamma so ugly that her birth certificate came with an apology letter from the condom factory.
Your momma so ugly she gave Freddy Kruger nightmares.
Yo momma so stupid she got hit by a parked car!
"Madam, your son just called me an ugly swine!" The mother apologizes shamefacedly, "I'm so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it is wrong to judge people just from how they look..."
A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a pet. A shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot. He asked what the strings were for and the shopkeeper replied, "Well, if you pull the right string the parrot says, 'Polly wanna cracker'. If you pull the left string it says, 'my name's Sam'". The man being of the inquisitive nature tried both and thought it was really neat, but was still curious. So he asked what would happen if he pulled both strings, the parrot piped up, "I'd fall off the perch you idiot!"
Yo momma's so fat; she's on both sides of the family!
Yo mama is so fat, the army used her pants for a parachute.
Yo mamma's so fat that she had to get baptized at seaworld.
I have a bumper sticker saying, "Honk if you think I'm sexy". Some days I just stand at a green light till I'm feeling good about myself.