Your Momma is so fat, she takes her picture with Google Earth.
Yo mamma so ugly that her birth certificate came with an apology letter from the condom factory.
I have a bumper sticker saying, "Honk if you think I'm sexy". Some days I just stand at a green light till I'm feeling good about myself.
Yo mamma so fat she broke the stairway to heaven.
Yo mama is so fat that when she asked, "Why is the grass always greener on the other side?" Everyone replied, "'Cause you aren't standing on it."
Yo mama so stupid she stuck her face into a book to make a Facebook.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she buys clothes in three sizes: large, extra large, and "Oh my God, it's coming towards us!"
Yo Momma is so fat… when she took her shirt off at the strip club,everyone thought she was Jabba The Hut from Star Wars.
A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a pet. A shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot. He asked what the strings were for and the shopkeeper replied, "Well, if you pull the right string the parrot says, 'Polly wanna cracker'. If you pull the left string it says, 'my name's Sam'". The man being of the inquisitive nature tried both and thought it was really neat, but was still curious. So he asked what would happen if he pulled both strings, the parrot piped up, "I'd fall off the perch you idiot!"
Yo' Mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.