You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.
"Madam, your son just called me an ugly swine!" The mother apologizes shamefacedly, "I'm so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it is wrong to judge people just from how they look..."
I have a bumper sticker saying, "Honk if you think I'm sexy". Some days I just stand at a green light till I'm feeling good about myself.
Yo momma so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Yo mama is so stupid, she was looking for bluetooth at the orthodontist.
Q: How was break dancing invented? A: Little black kids stealing hub caps off of moving cars.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, faces like yours belong in a zoo. Don't worry I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Yo mamma's so fat that she had to get baptized at seaworld.
Yo mama so nasty that when she goes to the universal studios children follow her shouting "Shrek! Shrek!"
Yo Mama is so skinny, every time she hiccups she does a backflip.