Where's the best place to hide a body?
Page two of Google.
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
Algorithm.
Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer.
‘If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?’
Among the forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless.
When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard. With his team’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
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Programmer.
A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘penis.’
Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password.
She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response:
PASSWORD REJECTED.
NOT LONG ENOUGH!
A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen".
The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them".
Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "The computer is completely fucked now".
The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.
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Programmer.
A machine that turns coffee into code.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, that's a hardware problem.
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