Where's the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.
A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘penis.’ Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response: PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, that's a hardware problem.
My wifi suddenly stop working then I realized that my neighbors have not paid the bill. How irresponsible people are.
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
Algorithm. Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.