Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors. "If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50." "Sure," says the GM chairman. "But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, that's a hardware problem.
Programmer. A machine that turns coffee into code.
Algorithm. Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.
A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘penis.’ Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response: PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!
A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen". The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them". Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "The computer is completely fucked now".
A system administrator has 2 problems: - dumb users - smart users
Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.