Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control. Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff. They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed. The manager said "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution." The engineer said "No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it." The programmer said "I think you're both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."
Hide all of the desktop icons on someone's computer and replace the monitor's wallpaper with a screen-shot of their desktop.
The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.
Google+ is the gym of social networking. We all join, but nobody actually uses it.
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Programmer. A machine that turns coffee into code.
Me: Siri, why am I alone? Siri: *opens front facing camera*
A Man from the toilet shouts to his wife : Darling, darling, do you hear me?!!!! What happened, did you run out of toilet paper? No, restart the router, please!
Two geeks are talking over lunch. The first guy says, "You wouldn't believe what happened this morning. A girl rode up to me on her bike, took off all her clothes, and said 'Take whatever you want!' … So I took the bike" The second guy says, "Good choice, her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."