The best jewish jokes

This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don’t be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife…"
Vote: has 74.06 % from 311 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, dad, doctor, jewish, life
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
Vote: has 71.80 % from 76 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, jewish, mean
Elderly Man: "Father, during the war I allowed a Jewish refugee to live in my attic." Priest: "I do not see anything wrong with that. You helped a poor soul survive the war." Elderly Man: "I collected rent from him for every month that he stayed." Priest: "That's not a good thing you did, but it was for a good cause. You helped him survive." Elderly Man: "Should I tell him the war is over?"
Vote: has 71.64 % from 63 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: history, jewish, old people, priest, war
How do you tell when time is reversing? When a Jew drops a coin on the ground.
Vote: has 71.06 % from 191 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: jewish, money, racist
How do you start a Jewish parade? Throw a penny down main street.
Vote: has 69.69 % from 182 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: jewish, money, racist
An elderly rabbi was once on an airplane to Israel sitting next to a self-professed atheist. They were amicably chatting the whole trip. Every now and then, the rabbi's grandchild, sitting in another row, would come over to him, bringing him a drink, or asking if he could get anything to make him more comfortable. After this happened several times, the atheist sighed, "I wish my grandchildren would treat me with such respect. They hardly even say hello to me. What's your secret?" The rabbi replied: "Think about it. To my grandchildren, I am two generations closer to Adam and Eve, the two individuals made by the hand of G‑d. So they look up to me. But according to the philosophy which you teach your grandchildren, you are two generations closer to being an ape. So why should they look up to you?"
Vote: has 69.61 % from 74 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: airplane, god, jewish, religious, travel
Q: What is a Jews biggest dilemma? A: Free Pork.
Vote: has 69.56 % from 253 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: jewish, racist
A young Jewish Mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten. "Behave, my bubaleh," she says. "Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!" "And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh." "Your Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!" At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him. "So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?" The boy answers, "I learned my name is David."
Vote: has 69.48 % from 115 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: jewish, racist, school
Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.
Vote: has 68.76 % from 94 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, Hitler, jewish, morbid
Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history? Hitler.
Vote: has 68.13 % from 248 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, history, Hitler, jewish