The best jewish jokes

This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don’t be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife…"
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has 74.57 % from 326 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, doctor, jewish, life
Elderly Man: "Father, during the war I allowed a Jewish refugee to live in my attic." Priest: "I do not see anything wrong with that. You helped a poor soul survive the war." Elderly Man: "I collected rent from him for every month that he stayed." Priest: "That's not a good thing you did, but it was for a good cause. You helped him survive." Elderly Man: "Should I tell him the war is over?"
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has 72.91 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: history, jewish, old people, priest, war
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
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has 72.26 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: family, jewish, mean
Q: What is a Jews biggest dilemma? A: Free Pork.
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has 70.12 % from 276 votes. More jokes about: jewish, racist
How do you tell when time is reversing? When a Jew drops a coin on the ground.
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has 69.41 % from 209 votes. More jokes about: jewish, money, racist
Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.
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has 69.03 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, Hitler, jewish, morbid
Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history? Hitler.
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has 69.00 % from 297 votes. More jokes about: black humor, history, Hitler, jewish
How do you start a Jewish parade? Throw a penny down main street.
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has 68.99 % from 199 votes. More jokes about: jewish, money, racist
A young Jewish Mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten. "Behave, my bubaleh," she says. "Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!" "And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh." "Your Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!" At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him. "So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?" The boy answers, "I learned my name is David."
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has 68.36 % from 132 votes. More jokes about: jewish, racist, school
A Jewish family invited their Redneck neighbors over for holiday dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, "This is a soup made with matzoh balls." On seeing the 2 large matzoh balls in the soup, the redneck man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently, the Jewish couple urged him to, "Just have a taste. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it." Finally, he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest, and he quickly finished the soup. "That was delicious," he said, but I was wondering... "Can you eat any other parts of the matzoh?"
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has 67.89 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: food, jewish, redneck