The best jewish jokes

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
Vote: has 74.14 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, jewish, mean
How do you start a Jewish parade? Throw a penny down main street.
Vote: has 72.05 % from 114 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: jewish, money, racist
How do you tell when time is reversing? When a Jew drops a coin on the ground.
Vote: has 71.39 % from 131 votes. Send joke:

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A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, then he sees a Chinese man and punches him in the face. "Owch!" the Chinese man says. "What was that for?" "That was for Pearl Harbor," the Jewish man says. "But I'm Chinese!" "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" And the Jewish man sits back down. Then, the Chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face. "Ouch!" the Jewish man says. "What was that for?" "That was for the Titanic," the Chinese man says. "But that was an iceberg!" "Ice berg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"
Vote: has 71.36 % from 87 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, jewish, racist
Guy gets pulled over in his car by a pair of dudes in balaclavas, pointing guns in his face. Terrorist (menacing voice): "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?" Driver, panicking, doesn't know which answer will save his life, has a bright idea. Driver: "Neither, actually. In fact I'm Jewish." Terrorist shouts to other terrorist: "Fucking hell Abdul, we've got one at last!"
Vote: has 70.83 % from 57 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, jewish, life, religious, terrorist
Q: What do you call a flying Jew? A: Ashes.
Vote: has 68.01 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, jewish
Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history? Hitler.
Vote: has 67.56 % from 132 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, history, Hitler, jewish
Q: What is a Jews biggest dilemma? A: Free Pork.
Vote: has 67.26 % from 208 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: jewish, racist
A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I’d like some Polish sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, “"Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?" The clerk says, "Well, no." With deep self-righteous ndignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?" The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."
Vote: has 66.69 % from 74 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: jewish, life, mexican
An old Jewish man gets on the subway in New York and sees a priest. He notices the white collar, and decides to ask what it’s about. "Why do you wear your collar backwards?" The old Jewish man asks. The Priest, being polite, responds, "Well, Sir, because I’m a father." "I am a father too, but I wear my collar normal." "Yes," the Priest begins, "but I am father of many." The old Jewish man shakes his head. "I have 8 children, and so many grandchildren I don’t know most their names, and still my collar isn’t backwards." The priest, aggitated, slams his fist in his palm "Sir! I am the father of hundreds!" The elderly Jewish man, beweildered, stands to get off the subway, and leans over to the priest "Mister, maybe you should start wearing your pants backwards."
Vote: has 66.44 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, jewish, kids, priest, racist