The best jewish jokes

Little Johnny came home from school one day slightly confused. His mother was Jewish and his father was Hispanic. So Johnny says, "Mum, am I more Jewish or more Hispanic?" "What does it really matter? You’ll just have to ask your father", his mother tells him. So Johnny’s father gets home from work and Johnny asks the same question, "Dad, am I more Jewish or more Hispanic?" "What kind of a question is that, does it really matter? Why do you want to know if you’re more Jewish or more Hispanic?" asks his dad. "Well, it’s like this dad. Tommy down the street wants to sell his bicycle for $50, I don’t know whether to talk him down to $25, or wait till dark and steel the fucking thing!"
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has 75.41 % from 482 votes. More jokes about: jewish, little Johnny, money, school
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
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has 74.27 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: family, jewish, mean
This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don’t be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife…"
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has 74.13 % from 337 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, doctor, jewish, life
Q: What is a Jews biggest dilemma? A: Free Pork.
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has 72.01 % from 303 votes. More jokes about: jewish, racist
How do you start a Jewish parade? Throw a penny down main street.
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has 69.51 % from 224 votes. More jokes about: jewish, money, racist
A Jewish family invited their Redneck neighbors over for holiday dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, "This is a soup made with matzoh balls." On seeing the 2 large matzoh balls in the soup, the redneck man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently, the Jewish couple urged him to, "Just have a taste. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it." Finally, he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest, and he quickly finished the soup. "That was delicious," he said, but I was wondering... "Can you eat any other parts of the matzoh?"
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has 69.30 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: food, jewish, redneck
Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.
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has 68.62 % from 200 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, Hitler, jewish, morbid
Q: What's faster than the speed of light? A: A jew passing Germany.
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has 68.28 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: black humor, jewish, morbid, racist, travel
Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history? Hitler.
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has 68.25 % from 364 votes. More jokes about: black humor, history, Hitler, jewish
Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
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has 67.77 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: black humor, jewish, kids, morbid