The best jewish jokes

This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don’t be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife…"
Vote: has 74.28 % from 318 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, dad, doctor, jewish, life
Elderly Man: "Father, during the war I allowed a Jewish refugee to live in my attic." Priest: "I do not see anything wrong with that. You helped a poor soul survive the war." Elderly Man: "I collected rent from him for every month that he stayed." Priest: "That's not a good thing you did, but it was for a good cause. You helped him survive." Elderly Man: "Should I tell him the war is over?"
Vote: has 74.21 % from 79 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: history, jewish, old people, priest, war
Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.
Vote: has 72.95 % from 118 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, Hitler, jewish, morbid
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
Vote: has 72.01 % from 85 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, jewish, mean
How do you tell when time is reversing? When a Jew drops a coin on the ground.
Vote: has 71.14 % from 203 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: jewish, money, racist
Q: What is a Jews biggest dilemma? A: Free Pork.
Vote: has 70.21 % from 266 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: jewish, racist
How do you start a Jewish parade? Throw a penny down main street.
Vote: has 69.85 % from 194 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: jewish, money, racist
Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history? Hitler.
Vote: has 69.31 % from 279 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, history, Hitler, jewish
Guy gets pulled over in his car by a pair of dudes in balaclavas, pointing guns in his face. Terrorist (menacing voice): "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?" Driver, panicking, doesn't know which answer will save his life, has a bright idea. Driver: "Neither, actually. In fact I'm Jewish." Terrorist shouts to other terrorist: "Fucking hell Abdul, we've got one at last!"
Vote: has 69.23 % from 114 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, jewish, life, religious, terrorist
An elderly rabbi was once on an airplane to Israel sitting next to a self-professed atheist. They were amicably chatting the whole trip. Every now and then, the rabbi's grandchild, sitting in another row, would come over to him, bringing him a drink, or asking if he could get anything to make him more comfortable. After this happened several times, the atheist sighed, "I wish my grandchildren would treat me with such respect. They hardly even say hello to me. What's your secret?" The rabbi replied: "Think about it. To my grandchildren, I am two generations closer to Adam and Eve, the two individuals made by the hand of G‑d. So they look up to me. But according to the philosophy which you teach your grandchildren, you are two generations closer to being an ape. So why should they look up to you?"
Vote: has 68.41 % from 82 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: airplane, god, jewish, religious, travel