The best jewish jokes

This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don’t be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife…"
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has 74.65 % from 327 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, doctor, jewish, life
Q: What's faster than the speed of light? A: A jew passing Germany.
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: black humor, jewish, morbid, racist, travel
Elderly Man: "Father, during the war I allowed a Jewish refugee to live in my attic." Priest: "I do not see anything wrong with that. You helped a poor soul survive the war." Elderly Man: "I collected rent from him for every month that he stayed." Priest: "That's not a good thing you did, but it was for a good cause. You helped him survive." Elderly Man: "Should I tell him the war is over?"
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has 73.37 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: history, jewish, old people, priest, war
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
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has 72.49 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: family, jewish, mean
Q: How do you fit 60,000 Jews in a minivan? A: With a dustpan.
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: black humor, jewish, morbid, racist
A Jewish boy asked his father "Father, can you lend me 50 dollars?" The father replied, "40 dollars, What do you need 30 dollars for?"
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: communication, jewish, mean, money, racist
Q: What is a Jews biggest dilemma? A: Free Pork.
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has 70.73 % from 282 votes. More jokes about: jewish, racist
How do you start a Jewish parade? Throw a penny down main street.
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has 69.35 % from 205 votes. More jokes about: jewish, money, racist
A young Jewish Mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten. "Behave, my bubaleh," she says. "Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!" "And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh." "Your Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!" At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him. "So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?" The boy answers, "I learned my name is David."
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has 69.25 % from 136 votes. More jokes about: jewish, racist, school
Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history? Hitler.
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has 68.63 % from 331 votes. More jokes about: black humor, history, Hitler, jewish