Guy gets pulled over in his car by a pair of dudes in balaclavas, pointing guns in his face. Terrorist (menacing voice): "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?" Driver, panicking, doesn't know which answer will save his life, has a bright idea. Driver: "Neither, actually. In fact I'm Jewish." Terrorist shouts to other terrorist: "Fucking hell Abdul, we've got one at last!"
Q: Why did Hitler kill himself? A: He saw his gas bill.
One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie Bear went up to him and asked what was wrong. Kermit said, "I'm having problems with Miss Piggy." "Like what?" asked Fozzie. "Well, Piggy wants me to eat her out and I can't." Fozzie asked, "So, what's wrong with that? You're not a prude or anything." "No," sighed Kermit, "but I am a Jew."
Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!
Q: How do you fit 100 Jews in a car? A: Three in the back, two in the front and the rest in the ashtray.
Q: Why is it good to have a Jewish car? A: It can stop on a dime, and pick it up for you too!
Q: What is the difference between Harry Potter and a jew? A: Harry Potter escaped the chamber.
Q: What is the point of Jewish football? A: To get the quarter back
A Jewish boy asked his father "Father, can you lend me 50 dollars?" The father replied, "40 dollars, What do you need 30 dollars for?"
Q: How do you get a Jew to win a race? A: Drop a quarter at the finish line.