An elderly rabbi was once on an airplane to Israel sitting next to a self-professed atheist.
They were amicably chatting the whole trip.
Every now and then, the rabbi's grandchild, sitting in another row, would come over to him, bringing him a drink, or asking if he could get anything to make him more comfortable.
After this happened several times, the atheist sighed, "I wish my grandchildren would treat me with such respect. They hardly even say hello to me. What's your secret?"
The rabbi replied: "Think about it. To my grandchildren, I am two generations closer to Adam and Eve, the two individuals made by the hand of G‑d. So they look up to me. But according to the philosophy which you teach your grandchildren, you are two generations closer to being an ape. So why should they look up to you?"
Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?
A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
Vote:
Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!
Vote:
One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie Bear went up to him and asked what was wrong.
Kermit said, "I'm having problems with Miss Piggy."
"Like what?" asked Fozzie.
"Well, Piggy wants me to eat her out and I can't."
Fozzie asked, "So, what's wrong with that?
You're not a prude or anything."
"No," sighed Kermit, "but I am a Jew."
Q: What is the point of Jewish football?
A: To get the quarter back
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A Jewish boy asked his father "Father, can you lend me 50 dollars?"
The father replied, "40 dollars, What do you need 30 dollars for?"
Q: Why do Jews have so big noses?
A: Because the air is free.
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.
The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
Q: What is the difference between Harry Potter and a jew?
A: Harry Potter escaped the chamber.
Q: Why is it good to have a Jewish car?
A: It can stop on a dime, and pick it up for you too!