The best jewish jokes

A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I’d like some Polish sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, “"Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?" The clerk says, "Well, no." With deep self-righteous ndignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?" The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."
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has 68.54 % from 154 votes. More jokes about: jewish, life, mexican
The headmistress at a girls' prep school in the old South (circa 1959) calls down to the army base and speaks with one of the officers: "We're having a social here at school and I was wondering if you could send some of your nice young men to attend." "Why of course," the Lieutenant answers. "Just one thing," says the lady. "Of course you'll make sure there aren't any Jews there." "Why of course," the Lieutenant answers. On the day of the dance, a bus pulls up from the base. Out comes a platoon of black GIs. The schoolmistress is quite distressed. "Why, why, there must be some mistake," she says to a burly black Master Sergeant. "Why heck no, ma'am," he replies. "Lt. Goldberg NEVER makes a mistake!"
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has 68.19 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: jewish, military, school, student, time
A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an erection. Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread. So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread. The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it." Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."
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has 67.39 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, doctor, food, jewish
Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.
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has 66.50 % from 338 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, Hitler, jewish, morbid
How do you start a Jewish parade? Throw a penny down main street.
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has 65.91 % from 266 votes. More jokes about: jewish, money, racist
Q: What's faster than the speed of light? A: A jew passing Germany.
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has 64.98 % from 147 votes. More jokes about: black humor, jewish, morbid, racist, travel
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
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has 64.95 % from 240 votes. More jokes about: catholic, disgusting, jewish, wife
An old Jewish man gets on the subway in New York and sees a priest. He notices the white collar, and decides to ask what it’s about. "Why do you wear your collar backwards?" The old Jewish man asks. The Priest, being polite, responds, "Well, Sir, because I’m a father." "I am a father too, but I wear my collar normal." "Yes," the Priest begins, "but I am father of many." The old Jewish man shakes his head. "I have 8 children, and so many grandchildren I don’t know most their names, and still my collar isn’t backwards." The priest, aggitated, slams his fist in his palm "Sir! I am the father of hundreds!" The elderly Jewish man, beweildered, stands to get off the subway, and leans over to the priest "Mister, maybe you should start wearing your pants backwards."
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has 64.25 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: age, jewish, kids, priest, racist
How do you tell when time is reversing? When a Jew drops a coin on the ground.
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has 63.98 % from 272 votes. More jokes about: jewish, money, racist
Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
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has 63.76 % from 172 votes. More jokes about: black humor, jewish, kids, morbid