The best jewish jokes

A young Jewish Mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten. "Behave, my bubaleh," she says. "Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!" "And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh." "Your Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!" At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him. "So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?" The boy answers, "I learned my name is David."
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More jokes about: jewish, racist, school
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
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Q: How do you get a Jew to win a race? A: Drop a quarter at the finish line.
Vote: has 64.76 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, jewish
Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!
Vote: has 62.74 % from 102 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust? A: The cost.
Vote: has 62.14 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

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The whole idea of Jesus dying to pay for our sins is bullshit. Jews don't pay for anything.
Vote: has 61.71 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: christian, death, jewish, mean
A Jewish guy got in a taxi cab...5 min into a ride the driver notice a man beating up a woman on the other side of the street. The driver rush to the scene. He open the door ran out as soon as he did that the Jewish guy roll down his window as fast as he can and shouted, "Stop it, stop it, stop the meter."
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: jewish, life, women
Q: Why do old Jews have outhouses? A: Because their afraid of the showers.
Vote: has 59.74 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, jewish
An elderly rabbi was once on an airplane to Israel sitting next to a self-professed atheist. They were amicably chatting the whole trip. Every now and then, the rabbi's grandchild, sitting in another row, would come over to him, bringing him a drink, or asking if he could get anything to make him more comfortable. After this happened several times, the atheist sighed, "I wish my grandchildren would treat me with such respect. They hardly even say hello to me. What's your secret?" The rabbi replied: "Think about it. To my grandchildren, I am two generations closer to Adam and Eve, the two individuals made by the hand of G‑d. So they look up to me. But according to the philosophy which you teach your grandchildren, you are two generations closer to being an ape. So why should they look up to you?"
Vote: has 58.67 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, god, jewish, religious, travel
One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie Bear went up to him and asked what was wrong. Kermit said, "I'm having problems with Miss Piggy." "Like what?" asked Fozzie. "Well, Piggy wants me to eat her out and I can't." Fozzie asked, "So, what's wrong with that? You're not a prude or anything." "No," sighed Kermit, "but I am a Jew."
Vote: has 58.65 % from 64 votes. Send joke:

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