The best jewish jokes

Q: How do you get a Jew to win a race? A: Drop a quarter at the finish line.
Vote: has 67.78 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, jewish
A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I’d like some Polish sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, “"Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?" The clerk says, "Well, no." With deep self-righteous ndignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?" The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."
Vote: has 65.80 % from 82 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: jewish, life, mexican
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Vote: has 65.54 % from 175 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: catholic, disgusting, jewish, wife
An elderly rabbi was once on an airplane to Israel sitting next to a self-professed atheist. They were amicably chatting the whole trip. Every now and then, the rabbi's grandchild, sitting in another row, would come over to him, bringing him a drink, or asking if he could get anything to make him more comfortable. After this happened several times, the atheist sighed, "I wish my grandchildren would treat me with such respect. They hardly even say hello to me. What's your secret?" The rabbi replied: "Think about it. To my grandchildren, I am two generations closer to Adam and Eve, the two individuals made by the hand of G‑d. So they look up to me. But according to the philosophy which you teach your grandchildren, you are two generations closer to being an ape. So why should they look up to you?"
Vote: has 64.34 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, god, jewish, religious, travel
An old Jewish man gets on the subway in New York and sees a priest. He notices the white collar, and decides to ask what it’s about. "Why do you wear your collar backwards?" The old Jewish man asks. The Priest, being polite, responds, "Well, Sir, because I’m a father." "I am a father too, but I wear my collar normal." "Yes," the Priest begins, "but I am father of many." The old Jewish man shakes his head. "I have 8 children, and so many grandchildren I don’t know most their names, and still my collar isn’t backwards." The priest, aggitated, slams his fist in his palm "Sir! I am the father of hundreds!" The elderly Jewish man, beweildered, stands to get off the subway, and leans over to the priest "Mister, maybe you should start wearing your pants backwards."
Vote: has 63.57 % from 64 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, jewish, kids, priest, racist
A Jewish guy got in a taxi cab...5 min into a ride the driver notice a man beating up a woman on the other side of the street. The driver rush to the scene. He open the door ran out as soon as he did that the Jewish guy roll down his window as fast as he can and shouted, "Stop it, stop it, stop the meter."
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: jewish, life, women
Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust? A: The cost.
Vote: has 62.63 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, jewish, money
Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!
Vote: has 62.15 % from 115 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, jewish
Q: Why is it jewish men won't go down on a woman? A: Too close to the gas chamber.
Vote: has 61.71 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, dirty, jewish, men, women
How to tell who is Jewish in your class, drop a penny and see who gets their first.
Vote: has 60.01 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: jewish, money, racist