The best jewish jokes

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Vote: has 64.99 % from 169 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: catholic, disgusting, jewish, wife
Q: How do you get a Jew to win a race? A: Drop a quarter at the finish line.
Vote: has 64.76 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, jewish
An old Jewish man gets on the subway in New York and sees a priest. He notices the white collar, and decides to ask what it’s about. "Why do you wear your collar backwards?" The old Jewish man asks. The Priest, being polite, responds, "Well, Sir, because I’m a father." "I am a father too, but I wear my collar normal." "Yes," the Priest begins, "but I am father of many." The old Jewish man shakes his head. "I have 8 children, and so many grandchildren I don’t know most their names, and still my collar isn’t backwards." The priest, aggitated, slams his fist in his palm "Sir! I am the father of hundreds!" The elderly Jewish man, beweildered, stands to get off the subway, and leans over to the priest "Mister, maybe you should start wearing your pants backwards."
Vote: has 64.71 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, jewish, kids, priest, racist
Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust? A: The cost.
Vote: has 62.14 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, jewish, money
Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!
Vote: has 61.68 % from 99 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, jewish
A Jewish guy got in a taxi cab...5 min into a ride the driver notice a man beating up a woman on the other side of the street. The driver rush to the scene. He open the door ran out as soon as he did that the Jewish guy roll down his window as fast as he can and shouted, "Stop it, stop it, stop the meter."
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: jewish, life, women
The whole idea of Jesus dying to pay for our sins is bullshit. Jews don't pay for anything.
Vote: has 60.75 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: christian, death, jewish, mean
An old Jewish beggar was out on the street, begging with his tin cup. A man passed by and the beggar said to the man, "Sir, could you spare 3 cents for a cup of coffee?" And the man said, "Where do get coffee for 3 cents?" And the beggar said, "Who buys retail?"
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, jewish, money
Q: Why do old Jews have outhouses? A: Because their afraid of the showers.
Vote: has 59.74 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, jewish
An elderly rabbi was once on an airplane to Israel sitting next to a self-professed atheist. They were amicably chatting the whole trip. Every now and then, the rabbi's grandchild, sitting in another row, would come over to him, bringing him a drink, or asking if he could get anything to make him more comfortable. After this happened several times, the atheist sighed, "I wish my grandchildren would treat me with such respect. They hardly even say hello to me. What's your secret?" The rabbi replied: "Think about it. To my grandchildren, I am two generations closer to Adam and Eve, the two individuals made by the hand of G‑d. So they look up to me. But according to the philosophy which you teach your grandchildren, you are two generations closer to being an ape. So why should they look up to you?"
Vote: has 58.67 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, god, jewish, religious, travel