The best jewish jokes

The headmistress at a girls' prep school in the old South (circa 1959) calls down to the army base and speaks with one of the officers: "We're having a social here at school and I was wondering if you could send some of your nice young men to attend." "Why of course," the Lieutenant answers. "Just one thing," says the lady. "Of course you'll make sure there aren't any Jews there." "Why of course," the Lieutenant answers. On the day of the dance, a bus pulls up from the base. Out comes a platoon of black GIs. The schoolmistress is quite distressed. "Why, why, there must be some mistake," she says to a burly black Master Sergeant. "Why heck no, ma'am," he replies. "Lt. Goldberg NEVER makes a mistake!"
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has 68.19 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: jewish, military, school, student, time
Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.
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has 67.09 % from 315 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, Hitler, jewish, morbid
How do you start a Jewish parade? Throw a penny down main street.
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has 66.90 % from 258 votes. More jokes about: jewish, money, racist
An elderly rabbi was once on an airplane to Israel sitting next to a self-professed atheist. They were amicably chatting the whole trip. Every now and then, the rabbi's grandchild, sitting in another row, would come over to him, bringing him a drink, or asking if he could get anything to make him more comfortable. After this happened several times, the atheist sighed, "I wish my grandchildren would treat me with such respect. They hardly even say hello to me. What's your secret?" The rabbi replied: "Think about it. To my grandchildren, I am two generations closer to Adam and Eve, the two individuals made by the hand of G‑d. So they look up to me. But according to the philosophy which you teach your grandchildren, you are two generations closer to being an ape. So why should they look up to you?"
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has 66.52 % from 131 votes. More jokes about: airplane, god, jewish, religious, travel
Q: What's faster than the speed of light? A: A jew passing Germany.
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has 66.02 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: black humor, jewish, morbid, racist, travel
A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an erection. Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread. So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread. The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it." Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."
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has 65.94 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, doctor, food, jewish
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
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has 64.81 % from 239 votes. More jokes about: catholic, disgusting, jewish, wife
How do you tell when time is reversing? When a Jew drops a coin on the ground.
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has 64.61 % from 268 votes. More jokes about: jewish, money, racist
An old Jewish man gets on the subway in New York and sees a priest. He notices the white collar, and decides to ask what it’s about. "Why do you wear your collar backwards?" The old Jewish man asks. The Priest, being polite, responds, "Well, Sir, because I’m a father." "I am a father too, but I wear my collar normal." "Yes," the Priest begins, "but I am father of many." The old Jewish man shakes his head. "I have 8 children, and so many grandchildren I don’t know most their names, and still my collar isn’t backwards." The priest, aggitated, slams his fist in his palm "Sir! I am the father of hundreds!" The elderly Jewish man, beweildered, stands to get off the subway, and leans over to the priest "Mister, maybe you should start wearing your pants backwards."
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has 64.58 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: age, jewish, kids, priest, racist
Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
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has 64.40 % from 163 votes. More jokes about: black humor, jewish, kids, morbid