The best jewish jokes

An elderly rabbi was once on an airplane to Israel sitting next to a self-professed atheist. They were amicably chatting the whole trip. Every now and then, the rabbi's grandchild, sitting in another row, would come over to him, bringing him a drink, or asking if he could get anything to make him more comfortable. After this happened several times, the atheist sighed, "I wish my grandchildren would treat me with such respect. They hardly even say hello to me. What's your secret?" The rabbi replied: "Think about it. To my grandchildren, I am two generations closer to Adam and Eve, the two individuals made by the hand of G‑d. So they look up to me. But according to the philosophy which you teach your grandchildren, you are two generations closer to being an ape. So why should they look up to you?"
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has 66.27 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: airplane, god, jewish, religious, travel
Guy gets pulled over in his car by a pair of dudes in balaclavas, pointing guns in his face. Terrorist (menacing voice): "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?" Driver, panicking, doesn't know which answer will save his life, has a bright idea. Driver: "Neither, actually. In fact I'm Jewish." Terrorist shouts to other terrorist: "Fucking hell Abdul, we've got one at last!"
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has 66.17 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: car, jewish, life, religious, terrorist
A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an erection. Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread. So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread. The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it." Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, doctor, food, jewish
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
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has 65.28 % from 205 votes. More jokes about: catholic, disgusting, jewish, wife
A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I’d like some Polish sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, “"Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?" The clerk says, "Well, no." With deep self-righteous ndignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?" The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."
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has 64.29 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: jewish, life, mexican
Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
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has 63.98 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: black humor, jewish, kids, morbid
Q: Why did Hitler kill himself? A: He saw his gas bill.
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has 62.10 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, jewish, money, morbid
Q: Why do Jews have so big noses? A: Because the air is free.
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has 61.99 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: insulting, jewish, money, racist
Q: What do you call a flying Jew? A: Ashes.
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has 61.81 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, jewish
Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!
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has 61.00 % from 187 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, jewish