The best jewish jokes

Guy gets pulled over in his car by a pair of dudes in balaclavas, pointing guns in his face. Terrorist (menacing voice): "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?" Driver, panicking, doesn't know which answer will save his life, has a bright idea. Driver: "Neither, actually. In fact I'm Jewish." Terrorist shouts to other terrorist: "Fucking hell Abdul, we've got one at last!"
Vote: has 67.76 % from 105 votes. Send joke:
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Q: Why did Hitler kill himself? A: He saw his gas bill.
Vote: has 66.18 % from 83 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, jewish, money, morbid
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Vote: has 66.07 % from 194 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: catholic, disgusting, jewish, wife
Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
Vote: has 65.88 % from 55 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, jewish, kids, morbid
Q: Why is it good to have a Jewish car? A: It can stop on a dime, and pick it up for you too!
Vote: has 65.86 % from 48 votes. Send joke:
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I bought a Jewish sports car. Not only will it stop on a dime, it will pick it up too. I've heard they're gas guzzlers though.
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, jewish, money
A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an erection. Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread. So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread. The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it." Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."
Vote: has 64.72 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
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Q: What do you call a flying Jew? A: Ashes.
Vote: has 64.47 % from 101 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, jewish
A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I’d like some Polish sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, “"Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?" The clerk says, "Well, no." With deep self-righteous ndignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?" The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."
Vote: has 64.42 % from 104 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: jewish, life, mexican
A Jewish family invited their Redneck neighbors over for holiday dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, "This is a soup made with matzoh balls." On seeing the 2 large matzoh balls in the soup, the redneck man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently, the Jewish couple urged him to, "Just have a taste. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it." Finally, he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest, and he quickly finished the soup. "That was delicious," he said, but I was wondering... "Can you eat any other parts of the matzoh?"
Vote: has 64.23 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, jewish, redneck