Where do Russian cows come from?
Moscow.
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A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long.
The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here.
It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator.
I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar.
Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth.
The alligator just keeps his mouth open.
After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"
''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''
A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
Q: Why is the old, worn out horse named Flattery?
A: Because it gets you nowhere.
How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?
He prawned everything.
Yo momma is so hairy when she lifts her armpit up it looks like she's got Bigfoot in a headlock.
Little Billy sits on his neighbour fence.
After a while he asks surprised:
Sir, how come your pig has only tree legs?
Because I used only one leg for the stock.
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an ‘A’ bra.
What is a nigger?
Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.
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Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
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