Joke #4598

How is cat food sold? Usually purr can!

One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters. She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse. Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.

Chuck Norris can kill a Great White Shark by drowning it.

What dog can jump higher than a building? Anydog, buildings can't jump!

Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan? He got cut off without a scent.

One day a man heard knocking at his door. He opened the door only to see a small snail sitting there smiling. The guy picked the snail up and threw it as far as he possibly could. Three years later he heard knocking at the door again. He opened the door to see the snail. The snail said, "What the hell was that all about?"

Q: What is the difference between a rooster and a whore? A: The rooster goes cock doodle do and the whore goes any cock do!

A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him. He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What’s happening?" The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the zoo." "Oh my, which way is it heading?" "Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?"

Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."

"My friend is nuts. He thinks he's Bugs Bunny. But I m positive he isn't." "How do you know he isn t?" "Because I am."

I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman… “Mr Cook?” “Yes,” I replied. “I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.” I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”