Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."
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Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer?
A: Show us your calves!
What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house?
The Lizard of Oz.
What is the longest organ in a sheep's body?
A New Zealander's cock!
What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull with a computer?
A lot of bites.
Is it just me, or do alligators always look like they are in the middle of a push-up?
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
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Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was.
One day she argued with a lion.
The next day was the first of June.
Why?
Because that was the end of May!
The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at the windshield of the aircraft and shoot a dead chicken at about the speed the air-craft normally flies at it. If the windshield doesn't break, it's likely to survive a real collision with a bird during flight.
The British had recently built a new locomotive that could pull a train faster than any before it. They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineer's chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab.
They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA checked everything and suggested that they might want to repeat the test using a thawed chicken.