Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."
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I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman…
“Mr Cook?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”
I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”
What is the definition of "derange"?
De place where de cowboys ride.
A man bought a dachshund for his six children so they’d have a dog they could all pet at once.
Teacher: Students, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Class: "Brotherly love."
What kind of car does a rabbit drive?
A furrari.
What does a cow like to do by a campfire?
Roast Moosmallows.
What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear?
Hare today, gone tomorrow.
When is a lion not a lion?
When he turns into his cage.
Why did the whale like the diver?
Because he had flippers.
