Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."
What is a chameleon's motto? A change is as good as a rest.
Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we poisonous?" The other replied, "You're darn right we are! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?" To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue"
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm? A: She burys it.
Why did the duck get arrested? because he was selling quack.
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."
Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
What’s a black spot between two white spots? A fly with cotton wool in her ears!
When does a female deer need money? When she doesnt have a buck.
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that?" She says: "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny." The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says: "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."