What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag.
Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting? A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two balls!
Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common? A: Both their moms are going to kill them!
Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
How do you make a baby drink? Stick it in the blender.
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot? A: A baby with a razor!
Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant? A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.
Q: How do Asians name their babies? A: They throw a can down the stairs.