How far can a rabbit run into the woods?
Halfway.
After that she's running out of the woods.
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Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
A: He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the world his house was guarded.
One day a woman knocked at his door.
“Is that your big dog outside?”
Wondering how she had got past him he said: “Yes why?”
She said "I’m sorry but my dog just killed him!”
“What?” Roared the man “What kind of dog have you got?”
“A Peke” Replied the woman.
“A Peke? How could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?”
“I think it got stuck in his throat!” replied the woman.
An Australian guy walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm.
He asks the bartender if he will give him free drinks if he shows he can put his penis inside the crocs mouth for 15 seconds without it getting bit off.
The bartender agrees.
The guy opens the crocs mouth and puts his penis inside it; the croc gently closes his mouth and after 15 seconds the Australian hits him over the head with a bottle, causing the croc to open his mouth and let the guy withdraw his penis.
The bartender starts serving the free drinks to the Austr alian and then tells everyone in the bar "If anyone else can do that then I will give them free drinks also".
There is a pause and then a blonde woman calls out "ok, I will do it but please don't hit me so hard over my head with the bottle".
One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place.
A man saw him and asked: why are you beating the poor animal.
Sorry, said Mullah, is it a member of your family?
Labradoodles were made when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a Labrador and a Poodle at the same time.
Vote:
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion.
What do you do?
Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
Q: What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a hippo?
A: One has a big mouth and a fat ass. The other lives in rivers in tropical countries.
How do you shoot a great white shark?
Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.