How far can a rabbit run into the woods? Halfway. After that she's running out of the woods.
What do cows wear when they are on vacation in Hawaii? Moo moos.
A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England." The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
Where do cows like to ride on trains? In the cow-boose.
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.
Chuck Norris doesn't just bring home the bacon, he brings home the whole pig.
Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? A: Gee, we really do taste like chicken!
Why did the frog go to the mall? Because he wanted to go hopping.
Q. Why don't lions eat clowns? A. Because they taste funny.
What newspaper do cows read? The Daily Moos.
What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle? A polo bear.