If you crossed a cow with a goat, what would you get? Half and half.
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?" The boy replied, "What turkey?" The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm." The boy looks down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!" The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?" The little boy said, "I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!"
Chuck Norris once taught a French Bulldog to be English.
Why don't cows ever have any money? Because the farmers milk them dry.
How do you tell if a black girls pregnant? Shove a banana up her vagina and if you pull it out half eaten then you got a monkey on the way.
What did one slug say to another who had hit him and rushed off? I ll get you next slime.
What's a teddy bears favourite pasta? Tagliateddy.
Jesse starts wailing to the vet, "you gotta save my dog, he looks real bad - please you just gotta!" "There, there Jesse, your dog just has a broken hip he'll be fine in no time. My fee, of course, will be $1,500." Jesse starts to wail - "oh, my dog's going to die!!!"
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.
Yo momma is so hairy when she lifts her armpit up it looks like she's got Bigfoot in a headlock.