"My friend is nuts. He thinks he's Bugs Bunny. But I m positive he isn't."
"How do you know he isn t?"
"Because I am."
Similar jokes
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There are two types of ostriches - Grey and Blue.
Grey ones scared hide their head in the sand.
The Blue ones sit in the bushes waiting for this moment.
What's a rabbits favorite musical?
Hare.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?
On squid row.
Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert?
A: Peach gobbler.
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Q: What do you call a cow playing with its self?
A: Beef stroganoff.
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
A man walks into a bar with a dog.
The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."
"You don't understand," says the man.
"This is no regular dog, he can talk."
"Listen, pal," says the bartender.
"If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks.
"The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"
"Roof!" "Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?" "Bark!"
"And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!"
"I guess you've heard enough," says the man.
"I'll take the hundred in twenties."
The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."
As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"
It was a hot summer night.
Slowly I spread her legs and my hand was trying to find its way to her nipple...
I was so excited! I never milked a cow before...
A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus.
He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender "give us two beers over here!"
The bartender walks over and see's the octopus and he says, "Didn't you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!"
The man say's to the bartender, "oh but you don't understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have."
The bartender replied back, "well I'll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!"
The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar.
He puts it down on the bar.
The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He's so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks!
The bartender was amazed and says, "alright lets try one more".
This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says "lets see him play this!"
The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes.
He continues this for quite awhile.
The bartender shouted out " See I knew he couldn't play all these instruments!"
And the man replies, "Just give him a few more minutes...
as soon as he figures out he can't have sex with it, he'll play it!"