Why couldn't the cow leave the farm?
She was pasteurized.
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‘I spilled spot remover on my dog.
Now he’s gone.’
Steven Wright
Q) What do you call a dog with no legs?
A) It doesn't matter, he won't come!
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout?
A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
Vote:
There where two snakes talking.
The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead?
Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?'.
Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"
The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert.
During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women.
And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges.
That's why we have the camel,sir."
"The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent .
Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel.
When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir," the First Sergeant replies.
"They usually just ride the camel into town."
Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
Vote:
Two cows were talking.One cow asked the other"
I wonder what hamburgers are made of?"
The other cow replied "YOUR MOM!
What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day?
A forty-carrot wedding ring.
Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
A: Becuase the "P" is silent.