Why couldn't the cow leave the farm? She was pasteurized.
Q. Why did the man cross the road? A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q: Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs? A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's f**king chickens.
Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear. He sleeps with a real bear.
Why God did made the snake before lawyers? To exercise.
One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts. Before the show, she asks the audience: "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand. So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh…it was great! Never had any like it before!" and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good?" and the old man said "Ghost? I thought you said goat!"
Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots? A: Bunny farts!
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal.
What did the bee say to the flower? "Hi, honey."