Joke #10359

What's a rabbits favorite book? Hop on Pop.

What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant? Burgers and flies.

"Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture?" "No." "Did he hurt the cows?" "No, he just grazed them."

Are shellfish warm? No they re clammy.

The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at the windshield of the aircraft and shoot a dead chicken at about the speed the air-craft normally flies at it. If the windshield doesn't break, it's likely to survive a real collision with a bird during flight. The British had recently built a new locomotive that could pull a train faster than any before it. They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineer's chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab. They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA checked everything and suggested that they might want to repeat the test using a thawed chicken.

A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'." His wife says, "That's a duck." He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."

I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.

What's red and green and goes at 100mph? A frog in a blender.

What is a nigger? Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.

Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.

What is a moo hoo for a delightful ranch owner? A charmer farmer.