Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
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Jack: "What's the name of the fastest dinosaur at the Olympics?"
Jill: "I haven't a clue. What?"
Jack: "Prontosaurus."
What happened to the lost cattle?
Nobody's herd.
An elderly patient needs a heart transplant and discusses his options with his doctor.
The doctor says, ‘We have three possible donors.
One is a young, healthy athlete.
The second is a middleaged businessman who never drank or smoked, and the third is an attorney who just died after practising law for 30 years.’
‘I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,’ says the patient.
‘Why?’ asks the doctor.
The patient replies, ‘It’s never been used.’
The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom...
I usually wear a yellow and green vest.
Q: What do you call a fight between you and your dad?
A: Dady issues!
What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
An udder failure.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on top of a cliff.
A magical bird flies to them and tells them that each one of them can jump off the cliff and wish to be one thing to fly away on.
They will become that thing and can escape from their arduous situation.
The redhead goes first.
She jumps and says "eagle!".
She turns into an eagle and flies away.
The brunette jumps off and says,"hawk!" she turns into a hawk and flies away.
The blonde takes a running start, trips on a rock as she nears the edge. "Oh crap!" she yells.
Who was the fastest runner?
Adam.
He was first in the human race.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A Golden Retriever.
A guy meets a hooker in a bar.
She says, "This is your lucky night.
I’ve got a special game for you.
I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words."
The guy replies, "Hey, why not?"
He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."