Joke #11518

Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.

So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.

I applied for the position of a keeper at the zoo but turns out I was not koalafied.

Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.

Two girl sprinters are training for the 100 metres race. One says to the other: "You won't believe this, but I've just run 100 metres in 10 seconds." The other says: "But that's impossible, that's the world record." So the other says: "Ah hah, but I took a short cut."

Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get? A: Mistle-toes!

Go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Yours sincerely,  The CAT

If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it? Jawbreakers.

A man has his car full of penguins. He drives past a policeman, but the policeman stops him. He says. "Hey, you! Yeah, you! You should take those penguins to the zoo!" The man does that. The next day in the same spot, the man still has the penguins. Once again he drives past the policeman. "Hey, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!" "I did," replies the man. "We had so much fun that were going to the beach today!"

The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom... I usually wear a yellow and green vest.