Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.
The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom... I usually wear a yellow and green vest.
A guy walks into a quiet bar carrying three ducks-one in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar, has a few drinks, and chats with the bartender. The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. He and the guy chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom. Now, the bartender is alone with the ducks. After an awkward silence, he decides to try to make conversation. "What's your name?" he says to one of the ducks. "Huey," answers the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh, that's nice," says the bartender. Then he says to the second duck, "And what's your name?". "Dewey," comes the answer. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance, I would do it all again." So the bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie." "No," growls the third duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my day."
Two girl sprinters are training for the 100 metres race. One says to the other: "You won't believe this, but I've just run 100 metres in 10 seconds." The other says: "But that's impossible, that's the world record." So the other says: "Ah hah, but I took a short cut."
Why did the bald man take up running? To get some fresh 'air.
Q: Why was the blonde jogging backwards? A: She wanted to gain weight!
Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle? It wants to keep it's Stockholm!
Oh, you play racquetball? You must be extremely athletic.
Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear? A. Because every time she got hot, he d beat her with a shovel!
Light was heard saying to his son, "Keep practicing and one day you will be faster than the speed of Usain."