Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
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What color socks do bears wear?
(They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)
Oh, you play racquetball?
You must be extremely athletic.
Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you?
Kids: Meat!
Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you?
Kid: Homework!
Did you hear about the hopeless athlete?
He ran a bath and came in second.
Two snakes are talking.
One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?"
The other replays, "Yes,why?..."
"I just bit ma lip."
A man buys a pet parrot and brings him home.
But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson.
He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet.
The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."
The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you."
The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"
An elderly patient needs a heart transplant and discusses his options with his doctor.
The doctor says, ‘We have three possible donors.
One is a young, healthy athlete.
The second is a middleaged businessman who never drank or smoked, and the third is an attorney who just died after practising law for 30 years.’
‘I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,’ says the patient.
‘Why?’ asks the doctor.
The patient replies, ‘It’s never been used.’
"I have the body of an athlete."
"Better give it back. You're getting it out of shape."
Q. What's green and red?
A. A very mad frog.