What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear?
Hare today, gone tomorrow.
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Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls.
They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"
The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
Q. What’s got 4 legs and bleeds?
A. Half a spider!
Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you?
Kids: Meat!
Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you?
Kid: Homework!
Cats are allergic to Chuck Norris.
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Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
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A Bosnian catches a goldfish.
The goldfish says: "Let me go and I will grant you one wish."
The Bosnian says: "No way, I'll take you to the pawn shop – gold is gold."
Why couldn't the cow leave the farm?
She was pasteurized.
Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?
A: In a nest-cafe!
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris.
After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
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You can lead a horse to water, but Chuck Norris can make it drink.
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