What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear? Hare today, gone tomorrow.
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?" Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night.
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: "I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!"
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”
What do you call rubber bumpers on yachts? Shark absorbers.
Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
What's green and red? A very mad frog.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel.