What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear? Hare today, gone tomorrow.
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
I feel like every nature documentary is directed by a psychopath. "Here's the cutest baby animal ever." "Now let's watch something eat it."
What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball? They re both brown, except the snowball.
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
Chuck Norris doesn't scroll with a mouse. He uses a lion.
What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again? A dirty double-crosser!
What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
Thousands of years ago cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra .... After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra Eventually died