Joke #10178

What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear? Hare today, gone tomorrow.

Chuck Norris doesn't get shark attacked, the shark gets Chuck Norris attacked.

A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I’ve got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he’s stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He’s still wriggling. What should I do?" "In the back of your truck there’s a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush." "So what’s the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"

Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.

Why was the racehorse named Bad News? Because bad news travels fast!

A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked. "Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!" the farmer answered.

I've just discovered a method for making wool out of milk. But doesn't that make the cow feel a little sheepish?

Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

A plowhorse, a honeybee and an old geezer are debating about which of them is the greatest. 
The horse says, "I can plow all day long to provide food for dozens of people!" "
The bee says, "I pollinate all the plants every year and make honey besides!" 
 The old geezer says... (We're waiting...)

Q. What do frogs do with paper? A. Rip-it!

If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.