What's the best way to catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on him.
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A penguin's car breaks down and he has it towed to a repair shop.
The mechanic tells him that he should have some information in about an hour.
The penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street so he wanders over while the mechanic works.
He finds the vanilla is the best ice cream he's ever eaten and he eats it with messy and gluttonous abandon getting it all over his face.
He goes back to the mechanic's to check on his car.
The mechanic informs him, "It looks as though you've blown a seal."
"Oh, no." replies the penguin "It's just some ice cream."
What did one dairy cow say to another?
Got milk?
You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."
Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
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Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a horse.
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Chuck Norris eats gummy bears and shits out grizzly bears.
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Imagine being completely naked in room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you...
This is life of a dog.
Q: Why do beavers spend a fortune on the Internet?
A: They never want to log off.
How do you f*ck a fat chick?
Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
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The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!"
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him midnight.
He didn't seem disturbed at all.
(Whew! Got away with that one!).
Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh, crap," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted."