Joke #312

Q: What creature has more lives than a cat? A: A frog, after all, they croak every night.
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has 28.62 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal

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It was a hot summer night. Slowly I spread her legs and my hand was trying to find its way to her nipple... I was so excited! I never milked a cow before...
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has 34.72 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!" In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them. " The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."
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has 84.95 % from 908 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, death, time
Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion? A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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has 51.27 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, Chuck Norris, time
What do you call a flying skunk? A smellicopter.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal
Little Susan was helping her mother to set the table, cause her father invited over his company managers. When everybody sat on the table, her mother noticed that a flatware set was missing. "Susan, why didn’t you put flatware on Mr. Marc’s seat?" "I thought that I didn’t have to, since dad told us that Mr. Marc, eats like a pig…"
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has 32.30 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, dad, kids
A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is." The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink. The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?" The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night." The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog." Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em. After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor. The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act." The drunks says "not for sale". The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scating rat." The drunk say, "deal" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat. The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, "Are you nuts? You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?" The Drunk says, "Relax, the frog is a vantriliqist."
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has 31.03 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, money
What did Cinderella Dolphin where to the ball? Glass flippers.
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning? A: An alarm cluck!
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, time
If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped. What's a tiger? A stri-ped.
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal