Joke #312

Q: What creature has more lives than a cat? A: A frog, after all, they croak every night.
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How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable? He tried to stirrup some interest!
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Mommy Bear and Daddy Bear were in divorce court. The judge looked down and asked the Baby Bear, "So Baby Bear, do you want to live with Daddy Bear?" "Oh, no," Baby Bear replied, "I don't want to live with Daddy Bear. He beat me." "Well then, you should live with Mommy Bear," answered the judge. "On, no, I don't want to live with Mommy Bear. She beat me." "Well then, Baby Bear, who do you want to live with?" Baby Bear said, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears. They don't beat anybody!"
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A man walks by a table in a casino and passes three men and a dog playing cards. ‘That’s a very smart dog,’ says the man. ‘He’s not so clever,’ says one of the players. ‘Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail.’
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Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
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What's the best way to make a bull sweat? Put him in a tight jumper !
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When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
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In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.
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What do cows like to listen to? Moo-sic.
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A man and a woman are lying in bed, watching the ceiling and keep quiet. What are they thinking? The woman thinks, "He keeps quiet. He doesn’t want to talk. May be he’s get tired of me. He doesn’t love me anymore. He’s probably got someone else. I see. We’ll have to separate each other." The man thinks, "A fly. A fly on the ceiling. Wow! How keep it there and don’t fall?"
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Why was the man sued by his horse? For palomino-money!
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