Joke #312

Q: What creature has more lives than a cat? A: A frog, after all, they croak every night.
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A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".
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Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain. One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette. The other lady said, 'Hey, that's a good idea. What's that called?' The lady responded, 'It's a condom.' The other lady said, 'Where can you get one of those?' She said, 'Oh, just about any grocery of drug store.' So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier, and said, 'I need to get some condoms.' The cashier looked at her puzzled (because of her age) and said, 'UH, what size?' The lady responded, 'Hmm, one that would fit a camel.'
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Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
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When Chuck Norris wants salmon he eats the bear too.
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What do reindeer say before telling you a joke? This one will sleigh you.
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A blind man with a guide dog comes to a town square, takes the dog by the tail and starts whirling him around. „What on earth are you doing?!" asks a passer-by. The blind man replies, „Nothing, just looking around a bit."
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How would you get four reindeer in a car? Two in the front and two in the back. And how do you get four polar bears in a car? Take the reindeer out first.
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A blonde is driving down the road and she sees a dead rabbit. She stops the car and called out, "Does anybody got any hairspray!?" A man pulls up and gives her a bottle of spray and she sprays it on the dead rabbit and the man stares and says "Why u doing that?" The blonde says "Hairspray is for dead hairs"
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What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant? Burgers and flies.
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Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He's the Easter Bungee.
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