Q: What creature has more lives than a cat?
A: A frog, after all, they croak every night.
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Pavlov walks into a bar.
The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
Who do you think would win in a fight? Godzilla or King Kong
Neither, Chuck Norris doesn't let his pets fight!
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Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem.
As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed.
"I'm so ashamed, and dirty Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go."
The physician was checking hers eyes and ears.
"Don't feel ashamed, Miss.
You don't look that bad."
"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.
The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
Yo mama is so stupid, when I offered her animal crackers she said no thanks, I'm a vegetarian.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass.
At Night.
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When a bull wants to listen to a cassette, what does he put on his head?
Steer phones.