Joke #312

Q: What creature has more lives than a cat? A: A frog, after all, they croak every night.

Why do zebras have stripes? Because the spots where all over.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.

What is a moo hoo for a cow that fell into the thresher? Ground round.

What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.

Chuck norris can eat chicken tonight tomorow.

A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play." The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks. The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars." The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says, "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!" The octopus says, "Play it? If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna screw it!"

A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England." The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"

What did Cinderella Dolphin where to the ball? Glass flippers.

Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk." Pupil: "Butter, cheese, ice cream … and two cows."

Yo mamma so fat and scary, Godzilla watches "yo mamma" movies!