Q: What creature has more lives than a cat?
A: A frog, after all, they croak every night.
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Who would win in a fight between a bear and a lion?
Answer - neither, Chuck Norris would beat them both with a single round-house-kick.
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Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her?
A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.
A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm.
The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms.
The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate.
We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk.
With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.
The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen!
What does the dog do if Raptors win?"
The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
Using a novelty invisible dog leash and collar Chuck Norris won the Westminster Dog Show.
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Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
"Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad?"
"I believe he's eating your lettuce."
What do you call it when one rabbit challenges another rabbit to hop across a forty-yard canyon?
A hare dare.
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home.
In the den was a stuffed lion.
The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?”
The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.”
“What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter.
“My ex-wife” replied the hunter.
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Why did the rabbits go on strike?
They wanted a better celery.