Q: What creature has more lives than a cat?
A: A frog, after all, they croak every night.
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What are cows favorite party games?
MOO-sical chairs.
A deer hunter just messed up another hunt.
This happened to him more times than he could count.
He would spot a buck, aim, fire and miss.
He would sneak up close just to get busted and watch the deer run away.
He would sneeze just as the buck came into range.
He would fall asleep on the stand, waking in time to watch a giant buck scamper away.
Frustrated, he complained to his hunting buddies.
"Everything that happens to guys that don't know how to hunt keeps happening to me!" he said.
Chuck Norris doesn't get shark attacked, the shark gets Chuck Norris attacked.
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I applied for the position of a keeper at the zoo but turns out I was not koalafied.
A beautiful princess comes upon a frog in a meadow near her castle.
The frog hops into the princess' lap and says, "My lady, one kiss from you, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I once was, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever be happy doing so."
That night, as the princess dines on lightly sauteed frog legs, she chuckles to herself, "I don't f**kin' think so."
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout?
A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
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Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100?
Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.
An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse.
Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?"
"About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies.
The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
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Bad Zoo
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.
2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.
3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.
4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.
5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.
6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida's Mascot.
7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you.
8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you're suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den.
9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit.
10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!