Q: What creature has more lives than a cat? A: A frog, after all, they croak every night.
A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun. "Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner, "I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctivly crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on" "Ok, got it." the homeowner replied. "But whats that shotgun for?" "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the man said, "shoot the Chihuahua."
Two cows were talking.One cow asked the other" I wonder what hamburgers are made of?" The other cow replied "YOUR MOM!
What has four legs and goes, "Oom! Oom!"? A cow walking backwards.
Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming? He was a card shark.
A man is walking through a park when he steps in a pile of dog mess. He pauses to wipe his shoe on the grass and sees another man step into the same pile. ‘I just did that,’ says the man, so the other man rubs his nose in it.
A snail and a slug got in a crash. When the police, ambulances and news reporters arrived, a reporter asked a tortoise what happened. He replied: "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
Chuck Norris uses live piranhas as bath toys.
Is Snoop serious? Or is Snoop Lion?
Q: What do you get when you cross a perm with a rabbit? A: Curly hare.
Q: What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical? A: Fiddler on the hoof.