Q. What's green and red?
A. A very mad frog.
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A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed.
After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains.
He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there.
"Who the hell are you?" he yells.
The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector."
"Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?"
He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"
The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert.
During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women.
And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges.
That's why we have the camel,sir."
"The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent .
Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel.
When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir," the First Sergeant replies.
"They usually just ride the camel into town."
Jesse starts wailing to the vet, "you gotta save my dog, he looks real bad - please you just gotta!"
"There, there Jesse, your dog just has a broken hip he'll be fine in no time.
My fee, of course, will be $1,500."
Jesse starts to wail - "oh, my dog's going to die!!!"
What do you get if you cross a cow with a spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster?
A cockerpoodlemoo.
Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay!
Two flies sit on a pile of poop.
One fly passes gas.
The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
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Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast.
They taste like chicken.
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Why did the cow jump over the moon?
To get to the Milky Way!
What do you get when you cross a frog and a rabbit?
A rabbit that says, "Ribbit."
Teacher: "Who can tell me 5 wild animals?"
Little Johnny: "2 lions & 3 wolves."
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