A Bosnian catches a goldfish. The goldfish says: "Let me go and I will grant you one wish." The Bosnian says: "No way, I'll take you to the pawn shop – gold is gold."
One day a man heard knocking at his door. He opened the door only to see a small snail sitting there smiling. The guy picked the snail up and threw it as far as he possibly could. Three years later he heard knocking at the door again. He opened the door to see the snail. The snail said, "What the hell was that all about?"
How do you make a small fortune out of horses? Start off with a large fortune!
What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets? Shoot the lawyer twice.
Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear. The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said: "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans. I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear." "If you know that, why are you changing shoes?" "Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."
Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant’s toes? A: Slow clowns.
Yo mama is so stupid, when I offered her animal crackers she said no thanks, I'm a vegetarian.
What does a frog say when it sees something' great? Toadly awesome!
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout? A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer? He wanted her to hit the hay!
Did you hear about the man with five keen senses? He still lacked common and horse!