Why did the dinosaur have so few friends?
Because Tyrannosaurus reeks!
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How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
Unhoppy.
What do you call a dog wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want, he cant hear you.
Why are rabbits never gold?
How would you tell them apart from goldfish?
Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
I took a day off from work to play golf. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green.
I paid it no attention until I heard, "Ribbit. 9-iron."
That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog.
I pulled out a 9-iron and sunk a hole-in-one.
Amazed, I picked up the frog and asked where we should go next.
"Ribbit. Vegas."
We went to Vegas, and I asked the frog what we should do first.
"Ribbit. Roulette."
We went up to the roulette table, and I won big.
I took my earnings and got the best room in the hotel.
I asked the frog if there was anything I could do to repay it.
"Ribbit. Kiss me."
I figured, what the hell, and I kissed the frog.
It turned into a 15-year-old girl.
That's how she ended up in my room, your Honor, and if I'm lying, my name's not R. Kelly.
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How do you f*ck a fat chick?
Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
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Why do rabbits go to the beauty parlor?
For hare care.
A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers.
He noticed a bull nearby.
Say, farmer "Is that bull safe?"
"Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!"
Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry,
I'll be there too.
Not in the cage,
But laughing at you.
Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
A: A bird that will talk your ear off!
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