Although cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
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Q: What did the emu say to the nurse?
A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol.
She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.
She says "I want you to see this."
She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.
She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?"
The child responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"
Q. What do frogs do with paper?
A. Rip-it!
What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?
It's ass.
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What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant?
An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.
Q: Why was Tigger's head in the toilet?
A: He was looking for pooh!
Why did the indecisive chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side… er, no… to go shopping… no, not that either… damn it!
Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
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George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt.
This parrot was a very nasty parrot.
It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took the parrot and put it in the freezer.
The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped.
George thought to himself, “On no! I froze my aunt’s bird to death.”
He opened the door and saw the bird alive!
The bird said, “I’m sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again.
George said, “Why the change?”
The bird answered, “Because I saw what you did to the other bird."