Joke #9938

What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer? A full bull.

Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales? He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.

What did the dog say to the hot dog bun? "Are you pure bred?"

I've been trying to find the right time to tell my pet hes adopted...

I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"

Cats are allergic to Chuck Norris.

Did you hear about the man who named his horse Radish?

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"

A hippo once told me he hated gangs, but then he joined one What a HippoCrip.

Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? A: Of course, a house doesn't jump at all.

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.