What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer?
A full bull.
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A mans dog dies one day, and the man is very upset.
His dog did everything for him.
Washed the dishes.
Bought things from the shop.
The man was so upset, he decided to go and buy a new pet.
Once at the pet store, he asked the manager, "Do you have any pets that will do anything for me? My dog has just passed away and I want something to replace him."
The manager looks around.
"We don't have much, I'm afraid. Just this centipede here"
The man looks puzzled, but accepts the centipede anyway.
Back home, the man tests the centipede out.
"Go and bring me a beer from the fridge", he asks.
The centipede got to work straight away.
"Go and run a bath for me.“
The centipede did as asked once again.
The man, before getting in the bath, asks the centipede "Pop to the shop and buy me a newspaper please.“
The centipede does this.
An hour later, the man comes out of the bath, to find the centipede sitting at the bottom of the stairs, and hadn't yet gone to the shop.
"I thought I told you to go to the shop?"
The centipede replies "GIMMIE A CHANCE TO GET MI SHOES ON!"
Why was the racehorse named Bad News?
Because bad news travels fast!
Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office?
An encownter group.
What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths?
Lefty.
Q: What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A: A civil serpent.
There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''
A man bought a dachshund for his six children so they’d have a dog they could all pet at once.