An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws? It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
A waitress walks up to a man to take his order. "I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead. "Hold the turtle, make it pea!"
Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
Chuch Norris stood next to a bear and was told he had to leave because the bear was scared.
"Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and couldn't see you there." "That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "It was MY fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?" "Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "Since I'm blind, I've never seen myself. Perhaps you could examine me and then we'll both know?" So the snake felt the bunny all over and said, "Well, you're soft and cuddly; you have long silky ears, a fluffy little tail and a twitchy little nose... you must be a bunny rabbit!" The little blind bunny was so pleased with this that he danced with joy. The bunny said, "I can't thank you enough. What kind of animal are you, sir?" The snake said he didn't know, for the same reason. The bunny agreed to examine him, and when he finished the snake asked, "So, what kind of animal am I?" The bunny said, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy, and you haven't got any balls. You must be a lawyer."
Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don't work.
What should you call a bald teddy? Fred bear .
What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an ‘A’ bra.
What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand? Cows-mopolitan!