An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
Q: What do you get when 100 rabbits stand in a row and 99 take a step back? A: A receding hare line.
What is a cow's favourite TV show? Dr Moo.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report? In his beef case.
Why don't cows ever have any money? Because the farmers milk them dry.
Why do cows think cooks are mean? They whip cream!
"I’m in a big trouble!" "Why is that?" "I saw a mouse in my house!" "Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap." "I don’t have one." "Well then, buy one." "Can’t afford one." "I can give you mine if you want." "That sounds good." "All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap." "I don’t have any cheese." "Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap." "I don’t have oil." "Well, then put only a small piece of bread." "I don’t have bread." "Then what is the mouse doing at your house?"
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a cartoon penguin? Pingu-Pong.
Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school? A: Bison.
What's a rabbits favourite car? Any make, just as long it's a hutchback.