Joke #3061

A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender "give us two beers over here!" The bartender walks over and see's the octopus and he says, "Didn't you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!" The man say's to the bartender, "oh but you don't understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have." The bartender replied back, "well I'll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!" The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar. The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He's so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks! The bartender was amazed and says, "alright lets try one more". This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says "lets see him play this!" The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes. He continues this for quite awhile. The bartender shouted out " See I knew he couldn't play all these instruments!" And the man replies, "Just give him a few more minutes... as soon as he figures out he can't have sex with it, he'll play it!"
Vote:
has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Waiter: "I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg." Customer: "Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card."
Vote:
has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal, life
Why was the horse all charged up? It ate some haywire!
Vote:
has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.
Vote:
has 65.20 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, game, soccer
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
Vote:
has 16.16 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, "I don't know. It all happened so fast."
Vote:
has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop
Yo' Mama is like a donkey: everybody rides the ass.
Vote:
has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, Yo mama
Q: Why didn't go Noah fishing? A: He only had two worms.
Vote:
has 57.40 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal, bible, fish
Will I ever be able to race my horse again the owner asked the vet. The vet replied, "You certainly will, and you ll probably beat her too!"
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, doctor
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
Vote:
has 51.81 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, beer
What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown? Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin.
Vote:
has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal