Q. What do frogs do with paper?
A. Rip-it!
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Question: What’s worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
Answer: A woman that doesn’t do what she’s told.
Why was the man sued by his horse?
For palomino-money!
‘I spilled spot remover on my dog.
Now he’s gone.’
Steven Wright
A zebra has wondered his whole life whether he was a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes.
When he dies and goes to heaven he asks God the question "Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?"
God responds, "You are what you are"
The zebra goes to his friends and tells them what God had said and that he still doesn't know the answer to his question.
One of his friends says, "Well, that means you are a white zebra with black stripes"
The zebra asks him why and the friend says, "Because otherwise God would have said 'You is what you is'"
There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole.
They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse.
Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!"
Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!"
Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles.
Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
How do you hire a horse?
Put a brick under each hoof!
What did the bunny want to do when he grew up?
Join the Hare Force.
Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry,
I'll be there too.
Not in the cage,
But laughing at you.
Cow: "Why don't you shoo those flies?"
Bull: "I ll let them go barefoot!"