I can teach my cat any trick he wants to do!
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What's a rabbits favorite song?
"Hoppy Birthday to You."
Q) What do you call a dog with no legs?
A) It doesn't matter, he won't come!
What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit?
The first herd shot round the world.
What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys?
Rhesus Pieces.
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If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.
Chuck Norris is the reason why This Little Piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.
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There's a guy Who's hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree.
The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher.
Then, the bear climbed down and went away.
So the guy starts to climb down the tree.
Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time he's brought an even bigger bear with him.
The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first.
But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldn't reach him.
Eventually, the bears went away.
Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again.
Suddenly, the two bears return.
But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble.
Each bear was carrying a BEAVER.
A waitress walks up to a man to take his order.
"I'd like to get the turtle soup, please."
The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead.
"Hold the turtle, make it pea!"
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Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks."
The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."
"No. Those are deer tracks."
They keep arguing, and arguing, about half hour later they were both killed by a train.