Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
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"My friend is nuts. He thinks he's Bugs Bunny. But I m positive he isn't."
"How do you know he isn t?"
"Because I am."
What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
Is it just me, or do alligators always look like they are in the middle of a push-up?
There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was.
One day she argued with a lion.
The next day was the first of June.
Why?
Because that was the end of May!
What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?
Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!
What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
Beef-flat!
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
Q:Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches?
A:Because they can.
Q: Why didn't go Noah fishing?
A: He only had two worms.