Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
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What do you get when you cross a frog and a rabbit?
A rabbit that says, "Ribbit."
Why couldn't the cow leave the farm?
She was pasteurized.
There where two snakes talking.
The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead?
Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?'.
Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"
Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?
On squid row.
What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office?
An encownter group.
How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable?
He tried to stirrup some interest!
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor?
Ground Beef.
What’s black and white and makes a lot of noise?
A zebra with a drum kit.
What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?
A tiger moth.
Little Johnny's class is reviewing the alphabet.
His teacher knows that he has an "advanced" vocabulary for his age, so she avoids calling on him.
When the teacher asks for a word beginning with "A," Little Johnny raises his hand.
The teacher anticipates he'll say, "ass" so she calls on Mary Lou, who says "apple."
This continues because the teacher knows that Little Johnny knows a cuss word for every letter of the alphabet.
Then she gets to "R." She can't think of any cuss words that begin with R, so she calls on Johnny.
He exclaims, "R is for rats big f**king rats, with 12-inch c**ks!"
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