What's green and red?
A very mad frog.
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What do you get if you cross a cow, a french fry, and a sofa?
A cowch potato.
What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel?
A bit of a shock really.
When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
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Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear.
He sleeps with a real bear.
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Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit?
It was an inn-grown hare.
Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark?
A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
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An Australian guy walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm.
He asks the bartender if he will give him free drinks if he shows he can put his penis inside the crocs mouth for 15 seconds without it getting bit off.
The bartender agrees.
The guy opens the crocs mouth and puts his penis inside it; the croc gently closes his mouth and after 15 seconds the Australian hits him over the head with a bottle, causing the croc to open his mouth and let the guy withdraw his penis.
The bartender starts serving the free drinks to the Austr alian and then tells everyone in the bar "If anyone else can do that then I will give them free drinks also".
There is a pause and then a blonde woman calls out "ok, I will do it but please don't hit me so hard over my head with the bottle".