What's green and red?
A very mad frog.
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Q: Why do cops arrest black people?
A: Because monkeys belong in cages.
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What do you call a neurotic octopus?
A crazy, mixed-up squid.
One day a man and a giraffe go to a pub they have a couple of drinks then on their way out the giraffe falls over and blocks the door the bar.
Man says "you can leave that lion here."
The man said "it's not a lion its a giraffe you idiot."
Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.
How to catch a polar bear:
Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond.
Cut a large hole in the ice.
Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file.
Hide behind a nearby rock.
When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!
What does the fox say?
Whatever the hell Chuck Norris tells him to.
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Q. Why are fish so smart?
Q. Why are fish so smart
A. Because they swim in schools!
Three mice in a pub having a bevy discussing who's the hardest.
1st mouse says I'm the hardest I go up to mousetraps rip the cheese out and as the bar comes down i bench press it 30 times and throw it across the room!
2nd mouse says : you poof! I get rat poison' crush it into powder and snort it.
3rd mouse finishes his drink, gets up and walks to the door, where are you going? asked the other 2.
Home he replied to shag the cat!
What did the customer say to the pet shop assistant after buying a bunny?
Rabbit up nicely, it's a gift.
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