What's green and red?
A very mad frog.
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What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
Chuck Norris once rode a bull threw a China shop, the only thing that broke was the bull.
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Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp.
The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me.
We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."
"Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"
"Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.
"Hm. Well, where do you catch 'em?"
"Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."
"Same here.
Hm.
How do you catch 'em?"
"Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door.
Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem.
See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
A baby hedgehog lost itself, in the garden.
Sad, he strolls from here to there, whereupon he bumps in a cactus and full of hope he says:
Mama, is that you?
What is the best advice to give a worm?
Sleep late.
A guy rings his boss and says "I can't come to work today"
The boss asks why and the guy says "it's my eyes."
"What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss.
"I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead..."
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
Why don't sharks eat niggers?
They think it's whale shit.
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Q: How does a blonde kill a worm?
A: She burys it.
Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse and that is how the giraffe was created.
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