Joke #10451

What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
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Q: Why did the girl spread peanut butter on the road? A: To go with the traffic jam!
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What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk? A milk dud.
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Champions eat Wheaties for breakfast. Chuck Norris eats Champions for breakfast.
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A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
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Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
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Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day? He fell in love with the Grand National winner!
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A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy. Just as he was about to storm out of the house, his lover stopped him with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about:" "Driving home, I saw this young guy, looking poor and tired, I offered him a ride. He was hungry, so I brought him home and fed him some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. His shoes were worn out so I gave him a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. He was cold so I gave him that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you. His trousers were worn out so I gave him a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then as he was about to leave the house, he paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your lover doesn't use anymore?' "And so, here we are!"
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Chuck Norris can make a pound cake with only an ounce.
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Q: What's long and hard and has cum in it? A: Cucumber, dirty people.
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A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza: Customer: "Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, it's Just Bread" Domino's: "We're sorry to hear about this!" Customer (minutes later): "Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/"
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