What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato?
Anything, just butter him up.
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You might be a redneck if you think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
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Q: What do you call a fried potato in your pants?
A: Dick-tator.
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The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.
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Three couples are having a picnic.
One man says to his wife, "Pass me the honey, honey."
The second man says to his wife, "Pass me the sugar, sugar."
Then the third man says to his wife, "Pass me the bacon, pig."
Chuck Norris once soaked his beard in carbonated water.
The result is now sold as Red Bull.
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Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate.
"You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl.
Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate.
You give the money to charity."
Q: What do spaghetti and blondes have in common?
A: They both wiggle when you eat them!
Yo mama is so stupid when you asked her to grab McDonald's she brings the building home.
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A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast-food restaurant.
He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would let him buy another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, “Oh, no.
We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared 50-50.”
The young man asked the wife if she was going to eat, to which she replied,
“Not yet. It’s his turn to use our teeth.”
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Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner.
We actually talked to each other.
It was awful!
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