What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato?
Anything, just butter him up.
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Q: How is spinach like anal sex?
A: Chances are if you're forced to have it as a child you are probably going to hate it as an adult.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she tried to put the leftover orange juice back in the rind.
Chuck Norris once gave a man an apple.
Today that man is known as Steve Jobs.
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What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen?
Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.
Yo Mama is like a refrigerator.
Meat goes in and out all day.
Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob?
A: The blowjob.
You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blowjob.
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Yo' Mama is so stupid, she poured a bowl of Cheerios and said, "Look, my alphabet soup spells 'Ooooo.'"
Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
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An old man lived alone in Tasmania.
He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, Jase, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Jase,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I wont be able to plant my potato garden this year; Im just getting to old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love Dad.
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
For heavens sake, dont dig up that garden, thats where I buried the BODIES. Love Jase.
At 4A.M. the next morning, the Federal Police and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologised to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad.
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. Its the best I could do under the circumstances. Love Jase.
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