What do you call a poodle with no legs?
A sponge.
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Q: What is a bee that cant make up his mind?
A: A maybe.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.
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DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher..
He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for ill*gally grown dr*gs."
The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.
"See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull...
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety.
The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs...
"Your badge... Show him your badge!"
How about we spank each other and call ourselves even?
What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball?
They re both brown, except the snowball.
There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck.
Some time went by, and the case got to court.
The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?"
The man replied. "Well sir, it was like this. We was driving down the road, minding our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pulling up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was most dead, so he shot them. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him."
Then he came over to me and he said, "How you feeling?"
I said, "I never felt better in my life."
Q. Why don't lions eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.
A crocodile has 2 eyes and 80 teeth.
Question:
What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth?
Answer:
A full bus of old men.
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Piranhas in the aquarium: sink your finger, lose your finger-game!
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