Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
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The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
A: He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
Q: Which American duo became famous for stealing horses?
A: Bonnie and Clydesdale.
Little Susan was helping her mother to set the table, cause her father invited over his company managers.
When everybody sat on the table, her mother noticed that a flatware set was missing.
"Susan, why didn’t you put flatware on Mr. Marc’s seat?"
"I thought that I didn’t have to, since dad told us that Mr. Marc, eats like a pig…"
Where do Danish cows come from?
Cowpenhagenf.
Q) What do you call a dog with no legs?
A) It doesn't matter, he won't come!
What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand?
Cows-mopolitan!
You can lead a horse to water, but Chuck Norris can make it drink.
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How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk?
A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant.
A woman got on a bus holding a baby.
The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers.
He could be fired for that."
"You're right," she said.
"I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!"
"That's a good idea," the man said.
"Here, let me hold your monkey."