Joke #9884

Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales? He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.

A penguin's car breaks down and he has it towed to a repair shop. The mechanic tells him that he should have some information in about an hour. The penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street so he wanders over while the mechanic works. He finds the vanilla is the best ice cream he's ever eaten and he eats it with messy and gluttonous abandon getting it all over his face. He goes back to the mechanic's to check on his car. The mechanic informs him, "It looks as though you've blown a seal." "Oh, no." replies the penguin "It's just some ice cream."

Q: Why didn't go Noah fishing? A: He only had two worms.

Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace. She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!" The wolf keeps grimacing. She says, "My, what big eyes you have!" The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth. She says, "My, what big teeth you have!" The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."

Name an animal that lives in Lapland? A reindeer Good, now name another. Another reindeer!

An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?" "About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies. The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"

Q:Why don't giraffes like fast food? A:Because they can't catch it!

An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

I've just discovered a method for making wool out of milk. But doesn't that make the cow feel a little sheepish?

Why didn’t the internet get any e-mail? Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.

Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude? He always said "Neigh"