How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Two blokes sitting in a bar, 1 says, "After 10 years of marriage, s*x is down to three times a year." The other replies, "Same here pal, as a matter of fact if my wife didn't sleep with her mouth open I'd have none at all."
boy: spell "me" girl: M-E boy: but you forgot the D girl: there's no D in me boy: not yet ;)
Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.
Girl: Babe I just gotta a tattoo of a sea shell on my thigh can you hear the ocean? *Pulls his head to her thigh* Guy: Nope, But I sure can smell the fish.
When the first legal brothel opened here in Brissy I got the OK from the missus to check it out and have myself a good time. I was in there like a flash and as I was the only client at that time I has my choice of the buffet on offer. I chose a gorgeous tall slim redhead but before moving off to the rooms she stated that she wont work with anyone unless they are 10 inches. Being a little embarrassed as you would be I asked her politely to sit back down. I mean after all, no matter how hot they were I wasn't about to cut 2 inches of my manhood for anyone...
Q: What's a blonde's favorite drink A: A cocktail.
Sex is like math: Add the bed Subtract the clothes Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
I've some bread dough in my pants. Wanna see if it rises?