What's a teddy bears favourite pasta? Tagliateddy.
Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer? He wanted her to hit the hay!
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? A: Gee, we really do taste like chicken!
If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped. What's a tiger? A stri-ped.
One day there was a tortoise walking on the road. Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race. The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race. The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge. It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line. So the tortoise is still the champion of the race. So remember this you snooze you loose!
Q: What is a thespian pony? A: A little horse play
Knock, knock. Who's there? Owls say. Owls say who? Yep, that they do.
Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear. The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said: "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans. I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear." "If you know that, why are you changing shoes?" "Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."
Go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Yours sincerely, The CAT
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she went to KFC, she ordered the bucket of chicken on the roof.