What's a teddy bears favourite pasta? Tagliateddy.
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
A teacher was giving a lesson and was telling the pupils that we came from Adam and Eve. A hand went up and the kid said, "But my dad told me that we come from apes, Miss?" Miss replied, "Stay out of this one, Leroy!"
That tornado damage your cow barn any? Dunno. Haven't found the durn thing yet.
Two men were walking along the street when they came upon a dog licking his dick. One man said, "I sure wish I could do that." The other replied, "You can, but you're probably going to have to pet him first."
Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette? He didn't have enough money tabaccer!
What is a moo hoo for the bucket that goes at the back end of the cow? A tail pail.
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, "How much is the yellow one?" The assistant says, "$2000." The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, "This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast." "What about the green one?" the man asks. The assistant says, "He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes." "What about the red one?" the man asks. The assistant says, "That one's $10,000." The man says, "What does HE do?" The assistant says, "I don't know, but the other two call him boss."
When a bull wants to listen to a cassette, what does he put on his head? Steer phones.
What did the naughty rabbit leave for Easter? Deviled eggs.
Where do Russian cows come from? Moscow.