What's a teddy bears favourite pasta? Tagliateddy.
How do you call a Triceratops with horns on his butt? Tricera-bottoms.
What’s the difference between cats and dogs? Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
Why did the frog cross the road? Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.
Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air. Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone." George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore." Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark..."
A man has his car full of penguins. He drives past a policeman, but the policeman stops him. He says. "Hey, you! Yeah, you! You should take those penguins to the zoo!" The man does that. The next day in the same spot, the man still has the penguins. Once again he drives past the policeman. "Hey, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!" "I did," replies the man. "We had so much fun that were going to the beach today!"
Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber? The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.
Q: Where did the newlywed horses stay? A: In the bridle suite.
Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.