A man runs over a cat.
The cat’s address is on its collar so the man goes to apologise to the owner.
He knocks on the door and a little old lady answers.
The man says, ‘I’m so sorry.
I’ve just run over your cat.
Can I replace it?’
‘I don’t know,’ replies the old lady.
‘How are you at catching mice?’
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What do you get if you cross a hippo, elephant and a rhino?
A Helephino!!
Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
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Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?
Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck.
A man is walking home when he sees a dog buying meat for his owner.
The man watches the dog when the butcher takes a little to much and growls and him until he gets the right amount.
The man follows the dog and watches as the dog stands on two legs and helps an old lady across the street.
Amazed the man follows the dog home and watches the dog ring the doorbell.
When the owner comes to the door the owner takes the bags and tells the dog to stay in the front yard.
Frustrated the man goes up to the owner and yells "This dog is amazing! He gets your groceries, makes sure you have the exact change, helps old ladies across the street and this is how you treat him!"
The owner replies, "I know but,this is the 3rd time this week he left his keys".
This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted.
The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little's s painted all around and all over his car.
The service man asked him why, and the snail answered "When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S-Car-Go!"
Patty was sitting in her back yard digging a hole to bury her dead goldfish. Mrs. Johnson, who lived next door, was watching her over the fence.
Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, what are you doing?"
Patty said, "I'm digging a hole to bury my dead goldfish."
Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, don't you think that hole is a little BIG for a goldfish?"
Patty said, "No...it's inside your damn cat!"
What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
He felt funny.
How are black people and wolves similar?
They both fight in packs.
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A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol.
She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.
She says "I want you to see this."
She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.
She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?"
The child responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"