First Kangaroo: If you were surrounded by 30 lions, 25 elephants and 10 hippos, how would you get away from them?
Second Kangaroo: Step off the merry-go-round.
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What do you call a smart blonde?
A Golden Retriever.
How do you weigh a whale?
On Whale Weigh Scales.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything.
It was, after all, the captain's parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it... with the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day... and then 2 days and then 3 days.
Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said... "OK, I give up. Where's the fucking ship?"
What do rabbits put in their computers?
Hoppy disks.
A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"
What hair style is a calf's favorite?
The cowlick.
Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum.
Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal.
Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it.
They take it into the car and continue down the road.
The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do?
He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch.
Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down."
She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that!
That thing is smelly and nasty!"
The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"
What is the fiercest flower in the garden?
The tiger lily.