First Kangaroo: If you were surrounded by 30 lions, 25 elephants and 10 hippos, how would you get away from them?
Second Kangaroo: Step off the merry-go-round.
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What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
Q: How do you know the Easter Bunny is really smart?
A: Because he's an egghead.
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days.
Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"
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What’s the difference between a pigeon and a nigger?
The pigeon is white and the nigger can’t fly!
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Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear?
A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair.
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Why did the frog cross the road?
Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.
On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
A caterpillar!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed.
Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.
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A woman got on a bus holding a baby.
The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers.
He could be fired for that."
"You're right," she said.
"I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!"
"That's a good idea," the man said.
"Here, let me hold your monkey."