What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl?
A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot.
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It is better to enter the mouth of a tiger than a court of law.
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
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What happened to the cold jellyfish?
It set.
One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts.
Before the show, she asks the audience: "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand.
Then she asks "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand.
Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand.
So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh…it was great! Never had any like it before!"
and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good?"
and the old man said "Ghost? I thought you said goat!"
Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!
What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant?
Burgers and flies.
What should a rabbit use to keep his fur neat?
A harebrush.
What is a cow's favourite TV show?
Dr Moo.
How to you know that cows will be in heaven?
It's a place of udder delight.