What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl? A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot.
Q: Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable? A: She wanted to mount the horse her way.
Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
What’s the difference between goats and women?? Goats are always horney.
If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped. What's a tiger? A stri-ped.
When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered. But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
Chuck Norris once had a pet monkey...his name was KING KONG
Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A: After a year the dog is still happy to see you.
Why was the racehorse names Strawberry Ice? He was a sherbet!
In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.