Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because its mother panda d to its every whim.
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What's the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper !
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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Some say Chuck once sneezed a rhino inside out.
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What happens when you kiss a canary?
You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
Why is a reindeer like a gossip?
Because they are both tail bearers.
What's the definition of a nervous breakdown?
A chameleon on a tartan rug.
Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse and that is how the giraffe was created.
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Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
Yo' Mama is so fat, the hippos at the zoo get jealous of her figure.
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods...
Cats have never forgotten this.
Here's proof that Cats are smarter than dogs...
You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.Dogs believe they are human.
Cats believe they are God!
Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.
I got rid of my husband.
The cat was allergic.My husband said it was him or the cat...
I miss him sometimes.
Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit!