What's black and white, stinks and hangs from a line?
A drip dry skunk.
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Did you hear about the horse that has made a dozen films?
He's not a star though, he just does bit parts!
Your mamas feet are so scaly you can see crocodile dundy in her foot bath.
Two goldfish are in a tank.
One said to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Imagine being completely naked in room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you...
This is life of a dog.
A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything.
It was, after all, the captain's parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it... with the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day... and then 2 days and then 3 days.
Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said... "OK, I give up. Where's the fucking ship?"
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented?
They were very impressed.
How much do I owe Yo' Mama?
My dog came home happy last night.