What's black and white, stinks and hangs from a line?
A drip dry skunk.
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Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
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Why can’t elephants go on the beach?
Because they can’t keep there trunks up.
How to catch a polar bear:
Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond.
Cut a large hole in the ice.
Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file.
Hide behind a nearby rock.
When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!
A cowboy rode up to the saloon, dismounted from his horse, and dusted himself off.
He then walked around to the rear of his horse, lifted the tail and kissed it right on the rectum.
As the cowboy walked into the saloon, the shocked barkeeper asked, "Did you just kiss your horse's butt?"
The cowboy said, "Sure, I've got chapped lips."
The stunned barkeep asked if this was an old Indian cure.
The cowboy said, "Nope.
But, sure as s**t, it keeps me from licking my lips!"
What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.
Q. Why are fish so smart?
Q. Why are fish so smart
A. Because they swim in schools!
Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend?
A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
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Q. What's green and red?
A. A very mad frog.
What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit?
The first herd shot round the world.
It takes a master to shoot a fly from a hundred Paces, but it takes a Chuck Norris to roundhouse-kick one from a thousand.
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