One day there was a tortoise walking on the road.
Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race.
The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race.
The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge.
It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line.
So the tortoise is still the champion of the race.
So remember this you snooze you loose!
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What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant?
An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.
Look over there! Said the frightened skunk to his pal.
"There's a human with a gun, and he's getting closer and closer! What are we going to do?"
To which the second skink calmly replied, "Let us spray ."
Question: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
Answer: Lipstick.
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A: A little horse play
Q: Which side of a deer has the most meat?
A: The inside.
What do you call an owl magician? HOOOOOdini.
A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins.
He pulls the guy over and says: “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.”
The guy says OK, and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they’re all wearing sun glasses.
He pulls the guy over and demands: “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?”
The guy replies: “I did . . . today I’m taking them to the beach!”
A man takes his wife to the stock show.
They start heading down the alley that had the bulls.
They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 50 times last year.”
The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him.”
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 65 times last year.”
The wife turns to her husband and says, “This one mated 65 times last year.
That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also.”
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: “This bull mated 365 times last year.”
The wife’s mouth drops open and says, “WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY! You could really learn from this one.”
The man turns to his wife and says, “Go up and see if it was 365 times with the same cow.”
Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
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Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.
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