One day there was a tortoise walking on the road. Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race. The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race. The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge. It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line. So the tortoise is still the champion of the race. So remember this you snooze you loose!
Ronnie goes to the auction. He notices a parrot that was on auction. Ronnie decides to bid for it and so Ronnie starts off with 50 Dollars. Auctioneer: 50 Dollars Voice: 100 Dollars Ronnie: 200 Dollars Voice: 300 Dollars Ronnie: 400 Dollars Voice: 750 Dollars Ronnie: 800 Dollars Auctioneer 800 going once, twice and the parrot is sold. Ronnie to the Auctioneer "I hope this Parrot can speak as I have spent a lot of money on it." Auctioneer Laughing: "Who do you think was Bidding against you.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open toad!
One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were stuck on an island 100 miles away from civilization. The only way to get home was to swim. The brunette swam 50 miles before drowning. The redhead swam 64 miles before getting attacked by a shark. The blonde went 99 miles but got tried a swam back to the island.
Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road? A: To get hit by my car.
Your mamas feet are so scaly you can see crocodile dundy in her foot bath.
Q: Why do pandas like old movies? A: Because they are black and white.
There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''
If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called? Loch Jaws.
If you make a cow angry, how will she get even? She'll cream you.
Why couldn't the rabbit fly home for Easter? He didn't have the hare fare.