One day there was a tortoise walking on the road.
Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race.
The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race.
The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge.
It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line.
So the tortoise is still the champion of the race.
So remember this you snooze you loose!
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Q: What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
A: One says "See you later" and the other says "In a while".
Q: Why can't black kids play in the the sandbox?
A: Because the cats keep covering them up.
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Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat?
To the calf-ateria.
What do cows do when they re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch.
One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?"
The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
What does an octopus wear on a cold day?
A coat of arms.
A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows.
Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark.
He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators.
"Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?"
Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England."
The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane?
A dandy lion.